Lets just say I never learn

Been awake for the past 36 hours.
Doing my project and running around like a mad man.

Today I am further reassured that I am going to fail very miserabably in what I have been trying to do.
I dont think it is going to work out. Simply put, it just means too much to me... ...

I think I need my sleep. Talking about needing sleep, I still remember the last time you told me to go to sleep.

Up, up and away...away from me
It's all right...You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy...or anything…

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It's not easy to be me.
Superman (It's Not Easy) by Five For Fighting
Personal favourite of mine*

Whoo Hoo...feel this rush

I love rushing for projects. I get motivation I never ever get when I have ample time. Its always "Argh fark it maaaan. Do it another time"

Yea, but have been rushing on me projects this week. Feels cool when you finally see where you are getting to.
Went to MCDS today. Solemn kinda place. All the juvenile deliquents sitting around waiting for their turns to be interviewed or srewed for all I know....some very strange things go on behind those doors...

Talk to an ex-probation officer called Mr Sum, he was friendly and stuff, but me and calvin got less info then we expected. because of some Red-tape the ministy has. They cant say much to us till we make a formal enquiry in the written form.
So we rushed back to school to e-mail this particular Mr Sum, hoping to get a favourable reply..still keeping my fingers crossed.

But today, I am still angry, still regarding the post which I made yesterday. That person is still like that and acting like that. I dunno what is wrong with him. He cant even take a farkin hint when I drop it. I dunno man, I think I really give up.
The blame generation really is growing and infecting people around me. Screw!

Well, some shit to be happy about, My CS is finally working....so yea, pretty pleased, some way to destress at last.
Hmm, think I will stop here today. Guys, wish me luck!! haha, most prob will 'camp' at johan's place to complete the project tmr night. So no post I guess...AH, contract due on monday....DEADLINES, I LURVE IT AND LIVE TO SURVIVE IT.

And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on
Dido- White Flag

I have not been well for the past 3 weeks, with more difficult weeks infront of me. Its easier to Run

Angry Angry Angry......dissapointed

The above post has ceased to be available. If you had read the above posting, it will be only to your knowledge.
If I had asked you to read it, then I trust you.

Lets have some respect please.

3 weeks have passed, Yet I still can't do it

Guilty as Charged....Rabak Procedure Code cap 111 s 123(9)

Man.....ate alot of junk food today.....Chicken cutlet at school, 1 packet of crisp and 1 can of coke....
Man.....compared to just 1 orange I took today.
Man.....I think we the junk food generation all gonna die at 40....

Well, today i just realised that exams comming up and that i have projects due on friday and monday.
Had an anxiety attack...but well, its my fault anyway. Guilty consious pricked, sms erfen immediately to arrange meeting..It may be too late...but well, at least I tried...

Exams just round the corner, projects due this week...What am i gonna do tomorro? After meeting erfen to do work (at least I hope)..I am gonna....believe it or not GO BUY COUNTER STRIKE AND SHOOT MYSELF AND MY FRIENDS TO BITS AT HOME...hmm, am i too reckless about my studies?? hmm...maybe lar... But then , maybe I should explain why i am so reckless, cause I know that its always gonna work out...dont get me wrong, 'work out' dosent mean that i will get good grades, it just means that i will be able to scrap thru.....some perennial over achivers gonna say I am an idiot , but who fuck cares? if they call me idiots, its just 1 idiot calling another idiot 'idiot'. Look, dun flame me, I have some pretty warped views of things around me, but I get excused. Why? Because I am complicated. furthermore, if I am an idiot, its a value added. Idiot + Complicated="lim peh" can get away with anything. and if i can get away with anything, why not??

You know, if you read some fantasy books and stuff, I am sure there are characters who are thiefs. Thieves in medival times, were a profession if you like. And if I was in the medival times, a thief is what I would be. I am fascinated at the idea of breaking a rule yet getting away with it....."Silk" in the books by David Eddings could be my role model. A rat faced man who could and would get away with anything...He is a prince, but prefers being a thief...I mean, how cool is that???!!??
If he couldnt get away with it, he would use violence to solve the problem.... Look, if violence cant solve your problem, it only means you are not using it enuff...(cynical smile)

Hmm, why guilty as charged? I also dunno, maybe I am just guilty about not studying and doing projects and playing computer games.....haha...but then, on second thoughts, who fuck cares? haha......

If I could break every single rule in the book and get away with it...I would. If in the process I fuck up some one i dont like , all the better.... AND as mel gibson said AND i I quote in 'lethal weapon 4' BEAUUUUUUUTIFUL!!!!!

SUNDAYS. I DONT LIKE

Well, had a great sheesha session yesterday. A pity I could not stay for the night. My mum had complained that I have been staying out on weekends nights and that I shouldnt be doing that. She may be right, but every one needs their time outside of home.

I dont like sundays. Every sunday evening, when I review my day, it will always pisses me off that I had done absoulutely nothing worth remembering or at least moderating intresting.

A typical sunday would be spent lazing around the house. Further more, I have to do house work. But then, who can stand living in a dirty house?? The rubbish that have been piled up in the course of the week would have to be cleared, floors have to be vacumned and the wiped. And if you still had not got the impression that I do not have a maid to do all this for me, then I dunno what kind of idiot you are.

But you may ask whats wrong with sundays other then the cleaning up? Well, I dont know, but I have this irritating habit of thinking too much when I am free....I hate that, its a bad habit I have to say. thinking too much about issues and stuff, tends to wear me out and cause me to be depressed. A whole sunday could be spent by myself in my room....

The stereo will be on, I will be sitting in a corner in my room and just stoning. thinking and stuff. I dont really like to do this kinda thing, but it seems like I have too. The week's issue must be addressed. What better time then on a sunday afternoon when I am free. But it always seem to not work out. I never fail to feel worse then before I started thinking. It sucks.

Little wonder I can identify with Linkin Parks "Its easier to Run" Running away from problems is such an attractive solution. But then, try that , and you will find that the issues will come haunt you when you least expect it, like when you are on a bus, or when in casual conversation you will find that it will just pop up and catch you unguarded...that is the worst case senario. You might find yourself blurting out something you should not or doing the wrong things that you after thinking would never had done...

I dunno, I just feel sundays are depressing. I have "What the fuck am I doing" feelings on sundays. I lose my aim and direction. I cant wait for monday when I have things to do again. Classes to attend, people to meet, ideas to contemplate. I cant keep my mind still. I just cant.

Throw away your problems. Blank out your mind. Sometimes its good to be blur. It really is My version of ignorance is bliss.