the problem is when you conflict between emotions of anger and serenity.

I swear, it drives you nuts. You are so angry that you are steaming, smoke pouring out of your ears. Yet, at the same time, that same consciousness is begging, asking for calmness, peace and coherent thought.

Sometimes I wonder, what is it that I want or lack.

To make me feel whole, complete and happy.

I see the world in cynical tones, black , white and tones of gray.
It isn't just right or wrong, most times its just clear calculative premeditation.

The world isn't red, orange or yellow. Most times, its just grey areas of moral and ethical decisions speckled with black and white areas of habitual decision making.

Who is to say what is right and what is wrong? God? Your fellow human being? Or your own consciousness?

The general decision making process of a cynic usually involves weighing the pros and cons in each given circumstance before making a decision based on his/her conscious mindset. There usually isn't much room for emotions, instinct or social-norm rights/ wrongs before arriving at a decision.

Sometimes, my own unfeeling scares me. Sometimes, I seem to question myself "Where have your moral conscience gone too?"

I cant explain why I feel this way sometimes.

I see the world and people for what they are. Most times, I opt to see the worst of people. Their ugly sides. "WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY WANT FROM ME?" All they do is take.

I weigh my interpersonal relationships by the principal of quid pro quo.

Something for something.

What would I do for him/ her?
What would he/she do for me?

In this manner, all becomes clear.

I could and would do so much for people.

I could and would do so little for some people. In times, I might even do things to make them lesser of people.

Yes, sometimes I am bitter like that.
I like my revenge. I like it served cold.

Sometimes, if I am honest with myself, I perhaps even enjoy hurting people that I despise. Hurtfully, with a gesture, a word, a blatant disregard. Sometimes, I wonder why people hurt others and most times I understand. I put it down to a primal need of human beings to gloat, look down and lord over others.

Sometimes I feel, in this day of love homogeneity, everything that is made up to be is just full of hot air and bullshit.
Lets face it, people HATE other people for one reason or another. Most times, we just dont have the guts and balls to act on it. Most times, we even act like we like that person just cause we are fucking pussys with no fucken balls. God, grow some nuts.


But at least, in consolation, my line is very clear. To me, either you are worth loving, or you are are not worth care, concern or even humility.


However, with that being said, some people in my life, I have trouble making my mind up on. Do they fly above the line? or do they drown below it?

I like you. I like you enough. But I suppose you want something from me which I am unwillingly to give. I know you will use force to get what you want out of me, I am prepared for that. But I just wont give.

I give more than I ask for. But sometimes, it just comes to a point, with people firmly entrenched below the line. I give no more because if you look beneath you, you were never prepared to give as much as you could take.

I elect not to waste my time with people like that, even when it may be detrimental to my own state of being. I am stubborn like that. Obstinate to a fault.



I want to be as big a person as I can be. But very clearly, I see my limits and know them. I cannot be that nice guy that gives and gives and gives and gives without saying a word.

Given enough, I will say something. Harsh. Cutting. Not necessarily to the point.









its odd. How people think that I dont know that they are reading or have read.

What I write, might not be the gospel, but its what I feel.
I pull no punches nor do I take any.

Lay the hurt if you have too. I dont really give a shit.