I'm starting to wain.

I reckon I dont make many mistakes.
I'm not a great fan of blunders.
or so i thought. -_-' _|_

So i was in camp, around 11 00 am. Resting, getting ready for the next chiong sua session.
received an sms.
made alot of sense and not at the same time. dont ask me wtf, i dont know how else to describe the feeling.

"You may be wrong for once, but for a single person you've been wrong too long, its such a habit that you cant snap out of it. You're digging your own grave dear, if you dont brace yourself to drop it.
It isnt easy, but its possible. Quite apparantly, its the only way to do it.
We're 20, not 12, not too much time to be wrong is there?"

*tinge of denial follows.

So i was wondering, maybe I was blundering for far too long.

*ponders. wtf wtf wtf. stupid bastard.

I vividly remember the time where luwin and me boasted to zul that we never loss in gunbound, not even once. what we said or rather our theory was:
"if you dont play, you dont lose."



at this point of time, i dont think the above theory holds any water.

cause when you dont play, you dont experience.
and when you finally do play.
inevitably, you lose on the first attempt.
or even, the first few attempts.
and its no coincedence that the winners are usually the players who play every single fucking day.

*sticks up middle finger at them. waves it vigorously.



do it once. do it right.
too bad it looks like it aint gonna happen for me.
"LLST"
I gather, some things, you just gotta fail to savour it.
fail it.
know how bad you want it.
and go try for it again.

but as roosvelt once said these wise words.
" yabber yabber yabber
... ... dot dot dot ... ... followed by mambo jumbo
give up, no point making a fool out of yourself."



and to make my fucken point.
I ____________________ (fill in the blanks if you know how. a few of you guys know, but shut up anyway _|_ )

its self depreciating.
very much so.

but then again. if at the end of the day. you still didnt get what you want.
maybe what it means is very simple.

You didnt want it bad enough.

You may want it long enough.
You may work for it hard enough.
You may beg for it hard enough.

but at the end of the day, it still boils down to how much you want something.

its all in the mind.
*taps finger on head.


its just like the fucken 2.4 km run.
just endure. want that 10 min bad enough and you will get it.
I got what i wanted.


I intend to get what I want.
unless I find something else that I want.
unlikely?
yes.
possible?
yes.

so what?
i dont know.
but fuck, no one really gives a shit.


We're not 12. Its time i started to grow up in a certain way.

* thinks to himself.
"haha. you are mudderfucking naive."



aight. got to go.
been up since 510am last morning.
been wake for 28 hours and counting.
the army does that to you.

but as i said before.
I dont sleep.
I'll go rest now.