Abbey: Why do you think they call?
Qian: I don't know really.
Abbey: I think they only call because they are lonely.
Qian: Yea. I guess so.




Now that I think about it, I don't just think so, I sorta know so.
Or am I wrong? I would loved to be proved wrong.

But I must admit, when I am lonely, uncomfortable or upset are the times when I'm most tempted to call.
Like now, with everything and various things all happening at the same time, it's easy to distract oneself by daring oneself to do certain things.

While I haven't been back to work for the past 4, 5 days, the days are dour and sour.
Evenings are spent in the hospital and the rest of the day being spent at home.

I watch movies, read books, smoke, eat junk food. And think about the things that I really should be doing which I am not.

It's just so easy to wallow isn't it? Lets hope I'll drop out of this cycle come Monday when I return to work. A date with the PM early monday morning. A rendevous at MBS. How sexy right?

With the GE finally over, I thought I could have some time to rest. But with Mum falling ill, my Post GE mood is decidely even more irritated; which is not saying much. We had been working straight out with little to no rest a month before GE so it is no wonder the disposition is not worth saying much.

Standing in the rain, with boots as muddied as our tripod and listening to Mrs Chiam speaking is just one example of the GE being cruel to journalists. More so than to various members of the public.
But I guess, we live for shit like that. Besides, its the buisness that we have chosen. Most of the time, we just manned the fuck up in the big way. Without forgetting DFU. "Don't fuck up."

To be honest, this is not the best time to write about the GE because taking a look at the lists of events, the GE stories doesn't seem to be stopping soon.

But if it is one thing that came of good during the GE was the focus and concentration. With that much intense activity, there was really no time to do much other than work, sleep and more work. Which was good in a way. But perhaps we are built funny like that.

Sometimes I wonder how my life would be like if I had chosen another line of work. No, please, don't get me wrong. I enjoy my work and as with many things in life, it includes the good bits and the bits which are not so good.

What I think about is how my life would be if my hours were more regular. I guess people who work regular hours don't really understand people who work irregular hours. They say that they do and they think that they do, but without ever having done it, i really doubt they understand what it all entails.

I will put it on record now that having irregular working hours i.e starting work at 9pm, ending at 4am and starting at 9am again on the same day; is detrimental to your mental and physical health. But hey, what's new right? "Pain Merchants" I sometimes call the team.



I must admit, I yearn for something more than work. Especially when sometimes it does feel like we live to work. Abit of work to live attitude would be great for the soul. Lets hope I can move towards that direction.

Yet, what do I really want? Now, that's a question I am not yet able to answer.
The gnawing feeling of something being missing, is often there than not. Isn't that just ironic?


If you have read till this point, I must seem to be slightly incoherent and I must admit that I am. I don't know what is causing it but it does seem that conventional wisdom dictates that I stop now.

I wonder why I wrote this. Maybe it's because I am lonely and writing is the only way I can prevent myself from calling up bad memories.

And thus, I indulge myself this.