there is so much kids here that it is mighty irritating... ...

ed is away at fieldcamp.

shawn is dunno where romancing some sub 18 girl.

jp and spence are away at dinner with some other friends.

jessie is held up at work till late probably.

fn is at prayers. ling is most likely mourning about his botak head.

johan is MIA.

mx is lost is nipple story. dunno where that bugger has gone. hope he has grown taller.

joanne is burnt out from SIP.

HGF is missing. have not heard from him for some time..

buddy is out with a foot infection from ruddy OCS. cant come out.

its times like this when i feel. alone.

for someone who kinda likes being alone.
its quite a werid feeling.

gee.

i dont like the internet place at cineleisure.
its cheap. but its too noisy.
and too stuffed up with kids.

you wanna play games?
get a sexy psp to play on.
not in a cramped lan shop with over excited kids hanging around screaming at the top of their lungs.

i should know.

once upon a time, i was one of em.

It Used To be Like that in 1942.


if i can still remember those times. we all had nicknames which we would always use during games.

i will always be nutter. the one and only nutter who leads the charge.

ed - will always be uber edd. dont ask me, there is nothing remotely uber about ed. unless we are talking about him being over apt in crashing video game planes. and killing the whole lot(us) in the process.

shawn - shawnzie. dont ask me why. dont ask me why. super original. i dont know where he got the "zie" from tho.

fn - cowboy. i dunno. a safe bet would be that he always wanted to be a cowboy when he was a kid. running about the house with 2 toy pistols?

daniel - ta ta young. i have no fucking idea. dont ask.

shaun - silverdust. i cant bear to do the sticky caps thing. wtf is silver dust i dont know. most dust i know are grey. maybe he just hasnt learned the difference between silver and grey. someone get him a colour chart.

muizz - Mr Penguin. most naturally.

linn - Mrs Penguin. must you really ask why?

nick - nick. nick is nick's nick.

mike - raptor. its great that he evolved from his chamander days.

there are a few more dudes like fabs and zul who used to game together. but its such a long time ago that i cant remember their nicks.

there were also times where we changed our nick names to stuff like "ferlin jayatissa
" or "Lim Poh Bee" and get a tremendous kick when stuff like "ferlin jayatissa just wasted lim poh bee with a bazooka."

dont ask me why. we were soilders once and young. and stupid.


Lots of battles was won and lost at lan shops at katong or selegie.
many curses and laugther that used to be are now just a fading memory , echoing.

i do miss gaming with the guys.
but now, most of us are so caught up with real life handling of fire arms that we seldom get the chance to meet up. its kinda sad and i kinda miss it.

given a chance , i would jump at the group of us in an enclosed room fighting on the beaches of normandy. evading german machine gun fire. sniping at the ruddy germans at the top of their bunkers. charging up the hill with a sherman tank with the canon exploding and the machine gun producing that ear drum abusing rat- tat - tat signature.

all in the comforts of an air conditioned room.

1942 was the law guy's game. we were quite darn good at it.
we always played against each other for the heck of it.

daniel would always wanna be the fucking vietcon hiding in the bushes sniping at the american soldiers.

and i will always, always wait for him to show up.

i can still vividly remember. i was like lying in the vegetation next to a bridge.
ed ran across the bride and suddenly was bought down by dan's sniper rifle. arousing ed to go like " wah lao chao chee bye dan! ta ta young!"

i was like. fuck. where is that vietnamese spring roll wannabe??????

scanning the area. i saw him. hiding in the dense vegetation not moving. could see his face. those angular asia eyes. flat nose. whatever fuck shit that made him a vietnam soilder. what gave him away was that stupid straw hat that the vietnamese spring roll always insists off wearing while fighting.

without a moment to lose. placed my cross hair inbetween his eyes. and without even twitching, squeezed the trigger... okok. clicked on the mouse if you prefer. and i was rewarded with.

"fucking hell qian! hw the fuck you know i am there! chee bye! where you?? i cant see you!"





memories like this will last me a damn long time.
those were good memories. no doubt.

and who said gaming was a total waste of time?
it gave us a foundation to built our friendship on.......
its a guy thing i suppose.
somehow killing that make believe enemy make guys more appreciative of each other.
knowing that ed will watch my back while i lead the charge.
no no, knowing that he will get killed quite easily and causing me to die with him is not the point.

THE POINT being that he will always back me up in the cyber world somehow relates to me knowing he will also back me up in the real world.





thus the reason why i still dont trust pussy. haha.
i mean, if a guy dosent even has the guts to enter a fire fight in a video game with his pals, what more could you expect of him in the real world?
nought. nothing. not even a nougat.

thus my conclusion is that video games make friends.
and yes. its final.
fuck off.

some times solitude does not really work out.
boredom sets in.

the tunes on podie dont seem that appealing.

the people dont seem so right.

the weather is not too good.

its so hot its like being toasted.

and so.


i seek refuge.


at an little internet place at far east shopping center.
where there are very little people and they place nice soothing music.
where they dont allow smoking.
trying to get off smoking.
after camp doc said i had minor asthma.
fucker.



but damn this little internet cafe is expensive. 5 bucks for an hour of surfing.
but its worth it. all worth it.

You know its not your week.
when you have to spend a friday night waiting for something or someone.
when you have to spend a saturday night in camp.
when you have to spend a sunday night on guard duty half dead from fever.
and all the while dreaming of what could have been.

you know its not your week.
when you almost break down twice in 2 days infront of your sergeants.
Vulgarity spewing. Almost came to blows.
I dont seem to be me anymore.

when the biggest old fuck in the company wants to see you only to dissapear.
when the specialist that you are seeing wears an ugly bow tie to work.
when the specialist's bill is a whopping $246.

you know its not your week.

i suspected it was not my week. kinda. some how. dont know how.

and then, like... i finally saw the light.

which like a bolt of lighting to my already hazy mind came to me in a split second.

I knew it was not my week.

when i came back on sick leave.
turned the computer on.
read something.
and almost felt myself dying.

My resolve wavering.
my insanity taking over me.
my rationality out of the window.
my irrationality tearing out.
but most of all my heart turning cold.

in times like this. you got to forgive me... ...
sometimes, there is just too much to keep in.
too much too long to keep.
there are times to let emotions run.
but it seems i'm always one step behind.

dear fairy god father..

find me someone to beat up.

but in the mean time...

i'll listen to some music, have a sip of water with a couple of asprins and smoke a ciggarette.

for the mother of god....

my fever is killing me.....

*fucking stupid bastard hits the pubish post button in both his blogs.