Fuck all of you. I like chicken. But I prefer duck rice. I like chicken heart, but duck ass is better.
The above nonsense is thought up by my brother Yi En...crazy kid..as always..haha.
My brother's have all finnished their exams and both of em are having fun just as i am gonna start mine...Man, I wish I could join them.
Hmm, an Lcom test later....not prepared for it. But then, I am not worried....I wonder why. and may i add I am no good student by a long shot. Wish me luck
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Saturday, October 25, 2003
Friday, October 24, 2003
I wont blame others for my own weak weak mind. You shouldnt too!
My defence today was ok... well, that makes me a very relieved guy...
Watched 8 women at french class. I thought that it was one of the better films that I have watched recently.
Its like a twisted comedy if i were to describe it.
I enjoyed it immensly...will get the DVD if I have the cash :p
Skipped lecture. Was caught for skipping lecture. Had to give explanation. But used the 'blank look just nod module'.
Manage to get away with it. This was my day...
Today, was spooked by jia yu while talking to her. She just bought up this topic which I was immensly uncomfortable with. Wait, it wasnt even a topic, it was just a plain remark on who she saw at a particular lecture today. So after this, I realised that I had not fully gained control over my fear and that I still am afraid. That frankly sucks. I have to admit, I did suspect that I had not fully convinced myself over this matter, but still, I think I did not need that brutual confirmation given by jia yu...
Still, this is one problem that may strecth on for a long long time... haha...I am crazy. There must be someway to resolve this. I know the answers to this. There are actually a few solutions actually. Some are more appropiate then others, Some are dead stupid while some are not even worth a second or even third thougth. But the most important thing that is missing is my courage to undertake ANY of this solutions.
It all boils down to self-confidence. If you all had to know, I really had my confidence pretty badly bashed up over the past month. I am starting to lose faith in my abilities. In my studies, as a son, as a friend and even as a 'lepak' buddy.
It does not help that I am not the most egoistic person in the world. Sometimes, I have to agree that being a ego maniac does have its advantages. You trust yourself immensly or rather over trust if there is such a word at all. In your abilities and capabilities. But then, when it comes to crunch time and you cant deliver, you will start to blame others. That is one thing that I hate above others. Blame culture. But still, you will remain happy and not mop around like I am doing
now.
Exams are around the corner. I hope that I can push this issue to the back of my head. Keep it there at least till exams are over or Maybe even after I found my vacation job...hmm...I am keeping my fingers crossed. To deal with it before or after the exams will be plain selfish and inconsiderate after all........
I am Reckless. I am Crazy. I am without Logic. I am Sadistic. I am Critical. I am Blunt. I am Selfish. I am Stingy. I am Insensitive.I dont give a Shit about others. I am Cruel. I am in Denial. I am Scrihzoprenic. I am so Full-of-shit. I am Useless. I am Yi Qian.
My defence today was ok... well, that makes me a very relieved guy...
Watched 8 women at french class. I thought that it was one of the better films that I have watched recently.
Its like a twisted comedy if i were to describe it.
I enjoyed it immensly...will get the DVD if I have the cash :p
Skipped lecture. Was caught for skipping lecture. Had to give explanation. But used the 'blank look just nod module'.
Manage to get away with it. This was my day...
Today, was spooked by jia yu while talking to her. She just bought up this topic which I was immensly uncomfortable with. Wait, it wasnt even a topic, it was just a plain remark on who she saw at a particular lecture today. So after this, I realised that I had not fully gained control over my fear and that I still am afraid. That frankly sucks. I have to admit, I did suspect that I had not fully convinced myself over this matter, but still, I think I did not need that brutual confirmation given by jia yu...
Still, this is one problem that may strecth on for a long long time... haha...I am crazy. There must be someway to resolve this. I know the answers to this. There are actually a few solutions actually. Some are more appropiate then others, Some are dead stupid while some are not even worth a second or even third thougth. But the most important thing that is missing is my courage to undertake ANY of this solutions.
It all boils down to self-confidence. If you all had to know, I really had my confidence pretty badly bashed up over the past month. I am starting to lose faith in my abilities. In my studies, as a son, as a friend and even as a 'lepak' buddy.
It does not help that I am not the most egoistic person in the world. Sometimes, I have to agree that being a ego maniac does have its advantages. You trust yourself immensly or rather over trust if there is such a word at all. In your abilities and capabilities. But then, when it comes to crunch time and you cant deliver, you will start to blame others. That is one thing that I hate above others. Blame culture. But still, you will remain happy and not mop around like I am doing
now.
Exams are around the corner. I hope that I can push this issue to the back of my head. Keep it there at least till exams are over or Maybe even after I found my vacation job...hmm...I am keeping my fingers crossed. To deal with it before or after the exams will be plain selfish and inconsiderate after all........
I am Reckless. I am Crazy. I am without Logic. I am Sadistic. I am Critical. I am Blunt. I am Selfish. I am Stingy. I am Insensitive.I dont give a Shit about others. I am Cruel. I am in Denial. I am Scrihzoprenic. I am so Full-of-shit. I am Useless. I am Yi Qian.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Oh me law dic...where are you??
To the tune of Pearl Jam's 'Last Kiss' The chorus part.
Oh where Oh where can my law dic beeeeeeee?
The Law inc took it away from meeeeee.............
I hope to get it before my exams start..............
So I can my just luckily.....................scrap past!!
Hmm.....Defence pending in the morning. I AM scared :[ . But I have to be strong!! Got some issues to trash out. And during defence is a good a time as any.... let the games begin...
Played pool and went to the beach today....My life is good...for now,
Doing all this to cheer myself up... because of my project or lack of and some other stuff.
Well, lets just say "shit happens"
To the tune of Pearl Jam's 'Last Kiss' The chorus part.
Oh where Oh where can my law dic beeeeeeee?
The Law inc took it away from meeeeee.............
I hope to get it before my exams start..............
So I can my just luckily.....................scrap past!!
Hmm.....Defence pending in the morning. I AM scared :[ . But I have to be strong!! Got some issues to trash out. And during defence is a good a time as any.... let the games begin...
Played pool and went to the beach today....My life is good...for now,
Doing all this to cheer myself up... because of my project or lack of and some other stuff.
Well, lets just say "shit happens"
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
In the end and end, all will be forgiven when I give what I came to give.
1 month. It has been hard..but I managed 1 month..
But just when I was going to give myself a pat on my back, I just realised that all this while, I have been lying to myself. It means too much to me. haha..I laugh at myself sometimes.
Truly, I wonder....what is keeping me here at all?
Why am I here? Ha Ha...qns which I have no answers too..
It just seems like I cant put it down...but then I should have expected this all along.
Silly me....
I am confused.
P.S. I now officialy state that I had enough shit from my crim pro group. You can farkin go have sex with ur MCDS or what you have...rest of the dudes, you should know who I am talking about. I say, we fark the MCDS and let him go crash and burn while we laugh from afar. I know, I am an evil bastard. tell me something I dont know. you honestly bore me to tears.
In the moment of the mean time. Where are you coming from? Where are you going? What do you want from me?
*the ultra emo guy....sic sic
1 month. It has been hard..but I managed 1 month..
But just when I was going to give myself a pat on my back, I just realised that all this while, I have been lying to myself. It means too much to me. haha..I laugh at myself sometimes.
Truly, I wonder....what is keeping me here at all?
Why am I here? Ha Ha...qns which I have no answers too..
It just seems like I cant put it down...but then I should have expected this all along.
Silly me....
I am confused.
P.S. I now officialy state that I had enough shit from my crim pro group. You can farkin go have sex with ur MCDS or what you have...rest of the dudes, you should know who I am talking about. I say, we fark the MCDS and let him go crash and burn while we laugh from afar. I know, I am an evil bastard. tell me something I dont know. you honestly bore me to tears.
In the moment of the mean time. Where are you coming from? Where are you going? What do you want from me?
*the ultra emo guy....sic sic
Really. Dont fucking shout at me.
Hmm, I wonder, what is it with my dad.
Why does he have to shout when he want things done.
One thing I hate, is that I hate people shouting at me.
Only because I respect him, do I refrain from shouting at him.
But sometimes, there has to be a limit.
Fuck, my mum just came in to shout at me. WTH.
Why do parents have to shout? Damn....I am pissed.
The more you shout, the more we will resist.
The older the child grows, the more resentment will he feel.
Its just plain wrong to shout at your child EVERYTIME you want things done.
Its stressful. If we already are not getting enough stress.
There is a more peaceful way. Its called ASKING.
When asked, we do things willingly.
We do things quickly. We dont sulk.
The bottom line is. There is no need to SHOUT. ASKING WILL DO.
haha...enuff of moi's pet peeve.
Ah, today feel really stupid. Forgotten to set my alarm clock....Missed the very important contract lecture.
sheesh..... went to meet mikey fer lunch. then we lepak at coffee bean SG...cool place. Quiet. Deviod of secondary school students.. hmm...hope inter wins tonight....good luck at moscow!! haha...I am MAD.
There's a lot of shit i keep bottled that hurts deep inside of my soul,
And just know that i grow colder the older i grow
This boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold
And this load is like the weight of the world
And i think my neck is breaking
should i just give up or try to live up to these expectations?
It was perhaps the logical end of a few miserable months for Cuper and Inter, although the words 'logical' and 'Inter' have hardly been paired together of late. quote soccernet.
*WHAT THE FUCK......THE WORST THING IS I AGREE.. Grrrrrrr
Hmm, I wonder, what is it with my dad.
Why does he have to shout when he want things done.
One thing I hate, is that I hate people shouting at me.
Only because I respect him, do I refrain from shouting at him.
But sometimes, there has to be a limit.
Fuck, my mum just came in to shout at me. WTH.
Why do parents have to shout? Damn....I am pissed.
The more you shout, the more we will resist.
The older the child grows, the more resentment will he feel.
Its just plain wrong to shout at your child EVERYTIME you want things done.
Its stressful. If we already are not getting enough stress.
There is a more peaceful way. Its called ASKING.
When asked, we do things willingly.
We do things quickly. We dont sulk.
The bottom line is. There is no need to SHOUT. ASKING WILL DO.
haha...enuff of moi's pet peeve.
Ah, today feel really stupid. Forgotten to set my alarm clock....Missed the very important contract lecture.
sheesh..... went to meet mikey fer lunch. then we lepak at coffee bean SG...cool place. Quiet. Deviod of secondary school students.. hmm...hope inter wins tonight....good luck at moscow!! haha...I am MAD.
There's a lot of shit i keep bottled that hurts deep inside of my soul,
And just know that i grow colder the older i grow
This boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold
And this load is like the weight of the world
And i think my neck is breaking
should i just give up or try to live up to these expectations?
It was perhaps the logical end of a few miserable months for Cuper and Inter, although the words 'logical' and 'Inter' have hardly been paired together of late. quote soccernet.
*WHAT THE FUCK......THE WORST THING IS I AGREE.. Grrrrrrr
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Monday Monday Monday.......
Hmm....monday...
Ha ...almost screwed up today.
Deadline at 10am... woke up at 9:15
Manage to shoot an e-mail to mike for him to help me pass it up.
Owe you one brudder!!
Today, while at dinner with my family at this prata place, I heard the song 'LemonTree'. But it was the techno version.
I mean, how stupid can it get??? Lemon tree is such a nice song but turning it into techno crap is almost blasphemy.
Ok, then next up is ABBA...yea, I know, they are already sort of techno, but its really pushing it by making it more 'technoey'.
Techno, in my opinion, is more like noise...I cant stand it. Really, I rather listen to backside boys or westlifers or something.
Haiz...I really wonder, do Ah-bengs really listen to this shit? I mean, its not even music...
Hmm...Or is it just me? haha
Hmm, based on last night's behaviour, I am sad to report that till today, I am still stupid
argh!
Its easier to seek forgiveness than permission.
*My warped logic. However, it explains most of my actions :P
Hmm....monday...
Ha ...almost screwed up today.
Deadline at 10am... woke up at 9:15
Manage to shoot an e-mail to mike for him to help me pass it up.
Owe you one brudder!!
Today, while at dinner with my family at this prata place, I heard the song 'LemonTree'. But it was the techno version.
I mean, how stupid can it get??? Lemon tree is such a nice song but turning it into techno crap is almost blasphemy.
Ok, then next up is ABBA...yea, I know, they are already sort of techno, but its really pushing it by making it more 'technoey'.
Techno, in my opinion, is more like noise...I cant stand it. Really, I rather listen to backside boys or westlifers or something.
Haiz...I really wonder, do Ah-bengs really listen to this shit? I mean, its not even music...
Hmm...Or is it just me? haha
Hmm, based on last night's behaviour, I am sad to report that till today, I am still stupid
argh!
Its easier to seek forgiveness than permission.
*My warped logic. However, it explains most of my actions :P
Sunday, October 19, 2003
Its sunday again.....Fuck
Caught up in the sunday disease again.
Wanted to start on my contract today seeing that the deadline is tomorro.
But I procastinated and procastinated. Its already 9, but yet to have started.
I am being very reckless. Like mike said 'You like to take risks dont you?'
Today is definetly depressing....Internazionale sacked Hector Cuper and hired a total tart in Alberto Zacherroni.
No further comment. Even my favourite football team is having problems......
I am stupid. I am at the pinnacle of stupidity.
Sometimes I even amazed myself when I catch myself thinking stupid thoughts or doing stupid things.
Ok, I need to go do my contract now. or at least I hope I will go do it now.
Can someone pass the valium???? What? no valium?!?!? well...Prozac will have to do I guess...make that a dozen
Caught up in the sunday disease again.
Wanted to start on my contract today seeing that the deadline is tomorro.
But I procastinated and procastinated. Its already 9, but yet to have started.
I am being very reckless. Like mike said 'You like to take risks dont you?'
Today is definetly depressing....Internazionale sacked Hector Cuper and hired a total tart in Alberto Zacherroni.
No further comment. Even my favourite football team is having problems......
I am stupid. I am at the pinnacle of stupidity.
Sometimes I even amazed myself when I catch myself thinking stupid thoughts or doing stupid things.
Ok, I need to go do my contract now. or at least I hope I will go do it now.
Can someone pass the valium???? What? no valium?!?!? well...Prozac will have to do I guess...make that a dozen
Sleepy Saturday
Slept till like 12pm...I am a light sleeper.
Woke up in a bad mood though.
Spent the day reading the papers and taking short naps inbetween...
Felt shitty through out the day..Thinking about too much things.
Being paranoid at my projects, even the one I submitted.
Worrying about my exams. I am no genius.....
Trying to forget about my crush...wtf
Heard this song today 'Creep' from right back at '93 by Radio head. I can really identify with the lyrics of this song.
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
She's running out again,
She's running out
She's run run run running out...
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special...
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
I don't belong here.
Creep. Radiohead's Pablo honey album. 1993
People always say they are not afraid to die. But what they never say is that they are not afraid to die because they are afraid to live. I am afraid to live.
Slept till like 12pm...I am a light sleeper.
Woke up in a bad mood though.
Spent the day reading the papers and taking short naps inbetween...
Felt shitty through out the day..Thinking about too much things.
Being paranoid at my projects, even the one I submitted.
Worrying about my exams. I am no genius.....
Trying to forget about my crush...wtf
Heard this song today 'Creep' from right back at '93 by Radio head. I can really identify with the lyrics of this song.
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
She's running out again,
She's running out
She's run run run running out...
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special...
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
I don't belong here.
Creep. Radiohead's Pablo honey album. 1993
People always say they are not afraid to die. But what they never say is that they are not afraid to die because they are afraid to live. I am afraid to live.
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