Morning comes too early and evening comes too late.

I'm a mess.

Sometimes, I'm such a coward. I keep running away from the issues in my life and some of the responsiblities that I have.
Its always the case, I always try to advoid instead of confronting.

I mean, running is ok ,for awhile. But it gets very tiring very soon .
But I cant help it if I dont have the courage to face up to some things.
So I dream. I seem to zone out alot nowadays. I find it easier to think when I'm alone.
Yet when I'm alone, I am lonely. Thus I occupy myself with outings and lepak sessions with my friends.

However I no longer find them as entertaining as before as the problems are always in my head. I think of them on the bus, when I am with my friends and almost every waking moment.
I stress however its none of my friend's fault that I am bored. Infact, if any one is to be blamed, it should be me. I zone out and day dream too much nowadays. I think I am turning into less of a sport and more of a bore. Books are a solace, tho they can only bring you so much joy and capture so much attention.

But then, what would life be without problems?
If I am to come out of all these problems, I would be a better person. If not, a more knowledgeable person.
Problems usually come from changes. As fn always points out, change is the only constant. I am inclined to agree with that. But still, some times, we cant deny the huge problems that change brings along with it.

In my case, its probably the lack of change which is perplexing. To me at least.
Somehow, I want things to change but some how I dont. But theres nothing to ensure that the change would be for the better and not for the worst. No change made is ever 100% certain. A change for the worst is what i fear because as things stand, its already quite bad.

Therein lies the consequence.
Change can be initiated. Do you know how rediculously easy is it to cause change? All i have to do is to pick up my handphone, press afew buttons and viola...there you have it.
I can cause the change. But there is this little problem of consequence.
Perhaps, I dont want things to change. Because the logical side of me tells me that the consequences would not be pleasant.
But the illogical side of me begs for me to do something drastic.
I am a risk taker. But even I am not that dumb to risk something that precious to me.
But then...here comes the problem. I am not happy in the situation where I am in presently.

Any idiot will change his situation when he is not happy in it. But I'm not. I'm not changing the situation even tho it brings me discomfort and sometimes makes me very upset.

But some how deep inside me, I know that I must do something about this. But then, heres another problem. Every decision I make will affect other people. How do I make change which does not affect the other party? Will i cause anguish? or perhaps even cause anger? Anger is a terrible emotion if you all havent noticed.

But what if the other party or parties does not even give a shit about the change that you have made? What if they dont feel anything?
If thats the case, havent I just killed myself when I have achieved absoultly nothing even when after I go through so much to change things?

If i just go ahead and do what I want, that will be incredibly selfish of me. Yet...... its difficult. So very difficult.

A choice. I must make. But I dont want to do it so soon. Perhaps, I need more time.

I dont hope. Hope that I give myself is worth nothing. Hope that you give yourself is a picture painted with beatiful colours and in it, lies all you ever wanted and dreamed. But as we all know, and I assume we are all sensible adults, that hopes , like wishes, seldom come true.

The more you hope, the more you hurt.


I have written alot today. I'm not sure if it all makes sense. These are my thoughts. I was thinking about all these today. On the bus, in the library and at the airport. Its not an easy piece to understand, even I struggled to understand what i was writing about much les come to grips with it. But I thank you if you have taken the time to read the whole piece.

Thanks for your time. Good night everyone.


Breathing. By lifehouse. enjoy.

I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what
I'm gonna do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to
Sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be, yeah...
Where I wanna be...

I am looking past the shadows
Of my mind into the truth and
I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
God, which one is you
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel alive
And break these calluses off of me
One more time

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be, yeah...

I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me, waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off of your table to the ground
La Da Da La Da Da Da Da Da
'Cause I just want to be here now

'Cause I am hanging on every word you're sayin'
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight, that's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more
Than to sit outside Heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
It's where I wanna be, yeah

Where I wanna be...
Where I wanna be...






Please, never and dont go quiet on me.
My part. Perhaps I never did do enough.

How many Yi Qians do you know?

Check out the 1 Eye Monster! Panasonic DMC FZ-10

To take photos of you. Black white if you like. Blue if you so desire. At the fiscus tree if you want.

My name appeared on american idol. the thing where people can sms in... Asking me too call when I see the msg. Call who? Call What? Him, Her or a It?
So I am asking you all, how many Yi Qians do you all know?
At this point of time, I am hoping for more than 1......

But then......argh. Screw it.

Was a vietnamese soldier today. Along with peri head, daniel of the leong variety, Gemuk tak scan, OLP and Shawn chimp.
Play Battlefield vietnam at Katong... superb session.. Bill came out to 8.50 each...we didnt wanna leave the place..... but we had too.
went home after that..was broke ah..till the point of it being embaressing.

Anyway, gotta run. My book is calling me, dying to be read. and returned. to the library. of. tp.its.overdued.

Tonights song. Will be. Dont Speak. By No Doubt...... from the critically acclaimed album TRAGIC KINGDOM. but no, I am not a fanatic fan of No Doubt.

You and me
We used to be together
Every day together always

I really feel
I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end

It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real,
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

Our memories
They can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening

As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me
I can see us dying ... are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts





You dont have to make everyone or anyone happy or even be nice. If you did that, you would be very tired.
But the important questions to ask and the ones which I am always asking are ' is it because of a lack of trying?' and
'If you could, would you?'
I cant answer my own questions. Even now.

Look at this and tell me you wont fall in love with it.


Here you go. You really like the colour orange right?

We beat horse pee year 2.
2-1. Bad tempered match. Because of one idiot. He is mad. He thinks he is wrestling. WWF wannabe gone wrong.

Luwin has gone bananas. He has bleached his hair whitish grey.
I gonna join him. Looks kinda fun. Gotta bleach it 4 times tho...I bet it hurts.

But not as painful as...wahahhahaa. shant say it.


Tonights song is, The Reason by Hoobastank
Listen to it! Its on the radio quite often nowadays.

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I found a reason for me
To change who I use to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish I could take it all away
And me the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I found a reason for me
To change who I use to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I found a reason for me
To change who I use to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you




I dont know what you are supposed to feel. But i certainly dont want you to be upset.

10:30. Timbusu Pitch.
Law Vs Hospitality and Management.



I will be slipping on this pair.
Die the horsepee shall. Under this Nike Air Zoom Total 90 II.

Will report once the score is out. Lets hope the law team kicks ass!
ciao, gotta catch some sleep now.

Song? Tonights song is by Cinderella Called HeartBreak Station.
enjoy it people.
Goodnight everyone.

Waiting at the station
Tears filling up my eyes
Sometimes the pain you hide
Burns like a fire inside
Look out my window
Sometimes it's hard to see
The things you want in life
Come and go so easily


She took the last train
Out of my heart
She took the last train
And now I think I'll make
A brand new start
She took the last train
Out of my heart

Watching the days go by
Thinking 'bout the plans we made
Days turn into years
Funny how they fade away
Sometimes I think of those days
Sometimes I just hide away
Waiting on that 9:20 train
Waiting on a memory

She took the last train
Out of my heart
She took the last train
And now I think I'll make
A brand new start
She took the last train
Out of my heart

My lady's on the fly
And she's never coming back
My love is like a steam train
Rolling down the tracks yea, yeaa

She took the last train
Out of my heart
She took the last train
And now I think I'll make
A brand new start
She took the last train
Out of my heart





I never once said its your fault. Never blamed you, Never will.