545am.

I promised chief that I'll head back today to clear up the mess that my understudy made.
So here I am, waiting for the rest of the family to get up for breakfast before I leave for camp.

Me?

I didnt sleep at all.


I spent the whole night surfing the net, watching tv and reading.

I'm craving a cigarette right now.
I finnished the pack sometime last night.
and I'm itching for a smoke.

This usually doesnt happen to me, I usually dont find myself short of cigarettes.
I'm not the sort to only buy a new pack when I finnish.

I used too, but not anymore.

I reckoned that, you know, why wait till it runs out?

I think it not only applies to the number of smokes I have in my pack, I think it applies to alot of things.

Why wait till the last minute?

Gee.

I like people who are dependable.
and people who do things last minute, or people who wait for a action before giving a reaction are usually not very dependable.

I understand that sometimes, there are things we cannot foresee and thus we cannot guard against or prevent.
But many times, I see people heading into disaters that they know are there.

Like, just there. Over there.
and yet, they go towards it.

Its erm...... hard for me to understand.

and this is the most prevalent in the organisation that Im in now.

We see a potential problem, we dont react.
We let it fester.

We only react, when the problem becomes a mistake because we have too.
Anything that can be shoved under the carpet, we shove.
IF we have to react, how do we react?

We react by pointing fingers.
Not very smart is it?

But such is the culture, that instead of heading off the potential of a problem, we let the potential become a mistake and then, instead of thinking of a solution , we decide on who to send to the head man.

This may seem unimportant.
But heh, its just the serving the nation. Nothing much really.
Serving.

My tour is coming to an end.
In my job, I cant exactly say that I served, or defended my nation.
What I did, I did in to my best capacity.
I didnt mind sacrificing my time, money and relationships.
Most of the time, i even enjoyed my work.

But very very glaringly. What did I do during my tour?
What was my job?

I cant exactly give people a concise answer.
Nor can I explain to people what my job is.

The Headman.
I think this come the closest.
No, Im not the the head of the department or anything like that.

So what does Headman mean?
Headman refers to the person who takes the head off.
and regretfully to say, for the good part of 2 years, I've decided the fate of the damned.

Some of them made mistakes while some of them were plain dumd.
Some I felt aggrieved for, some I rubbed my hands with glee when I laid my hands on the big ass chopper.

Im not a better person or a worse person for this.
I've learnt some stuff. I've developed some habits.
yes, this 2 years has done something for me.

But sometimes, i find it a pity.
I didnt serve the country nor defend the nation.
I cant exactly say that Ive played my part.

I didnt really exactly do those things.

If you ask me what I did.
and if I was to be perfectly and honestly brutual.

I would say.
"Erm, lets just say that Im not the person you wanted to see anywhere in camp. Where you see me, trouble will absolutely be certain to follow."

thats it, breakfast is almost ready.
I can hear the eggs sizziling in the hot pan.
Time for some breakfast before I get my hands dirty.
and the question in my head for the next few hours would be.
"How many days does this soldier deserve?"

Why havent I been blogging?

I should have been actually.
I'm clearing leave.
I've got loads of time.
I've had alot of time to develop some interesting ideas.

so why havent I been blogging regulary like I managed to do so even with being bogged down with work?

I dont know actually.
But perhaps, since my days are spent at my leisure, I dont seem to find the need to blog at night. And I think its a good thing.

I use to blog after work and talk about my crappy day or how irritated I am with things around me.
Its a place for me to vent after a long day at work. Thus, I'll be the first to admit that the posts do have a certain whinny quality to it.
And I also know that its a drag to read. Believe me, its even a drag to write, so I can only imagine how much my dear friends suffer at reading what I have wrote.


Oh well, I'm trying to change my blogging habits.
I may not blog as frequently but at the same time, i'll try not to whine as much.


I've been watching alot of movies during the past 2 months. Some with friends, but mostly alone. I like watching movies alone, it leaves the mind empty to concentrate on the movie and it leaves the mouth empty for coke and maybe some chips when I'm in the mood. If only they'd allow smoking in the cinemas, then it'd be perfect.

The movie doesnt try to engage in mindless chatter with me.
The movie doesnt judge me.
The movie doesnt care.
The movie just trys to entertain me.
I like that, its emotionally detached.
its one way.
and all the good is only coming my way.
I dont give anything to the movie.
well, except maybe 9 bucks.

Movies that I caught from feb to today.
1) Paris, je'taime (krap, it does have natalie portman innit.)
2) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (awesome, I almost cried.)
3) The Pursuit of Happiness. ( draggy. But passable.)
4) Music & Lyrics (gay. but alright.)
6) 300 (Gory. Pretty but brainless.)
7) Path Finder (Retarded. REALLY retarded.)
8) Shooter (Good stuff if you like guns.)
9) Sunshine (I'd say the best of the lot.)

Thats 9 movies and I think I missed a couple.


and I intend to catch more.
"Smokin Aces", "Wild Hogs" and "Breaking and Entering"




In addition to watching movies, I've been playing video games =]
From feb to now, I've got 3 new games to play with.
Ghost Recon Advance Warfighter 2 (Good stuff!)
Tony Hawk Project 8 (pretty good.) and
Fifa 07 (crap)

Video games are great.
I'm not explaining why video games are great.
I've posted something about this topic a couple of months back. So now, I'm not gonna repeat themes.


I've been reading like a mad man as well.
Within this 2 months, I've finnished re-reading 13 books.
Some new reads, some re-reads. Some good, some not so good and some just disgusting.

Regarding books, sometime last month (i cant remember exactly the date or anything) I headed out to town intending to buying something at funan (cant remember what) but i forgot to put a novel in my bag.
I only discovered that I'd left home without something to read when I was done at funan and heading towards starbucks.
So I decided to get something at MPH.
I walked in, looked about and decided to settle for this book by some dude called Dean Koontz or something along those lines.
I got it because there was an entire shelf level devoted to his books and all those words that sell books. (NEWYORK BEST SELLER! BEST THRILLER THIS YEAR! and the like bullshit.)

So I thought, it CANT be that bad.
i finnished the book within 2 days.
and I felt that its probably the worsts 17 dollars Ive spent in a long time.

Plot. Its alright. Would make a good movie.

My main grouse? or rather, observation?
Books are no longer beautifully written.
I call modern books, the blockbuster kinds.

What do I mean by a blockbuster book?
Firstly, it has a plot. or semi semblence of a plot.
The plot moves along very very quickly.
Making sure you want to read the next chapter as soon as possible.
It tries to make you rip thru the pages devouring violence, sex and impossibly bland characters.
Its all very Dan Brown-ish.

I'm sure most of you have read a Dan Brown book.
Whether its the accalimed Da Vinci Code or the best selling Angels and Demons.

But have you read "Remains of The Day" by Kazuo Ishiguro?
What about "The Shadow of the Wind? by Carlos Ruiz Zafon?
"A Long Way Down" by Nick Hornby?

If you have read these books as well as the blockbuster books.
I'm sure that you'll notice something.
Langauge.

if you havent, I suggest you go to your usual bookstore and get em.

"Remains of the Day" has no gripping plot. Its not a book that constantly needs you to flip the page. But why is it so good?
Simple.
Because its so beatifully written. How can a book about a english butler be even mildy interesting? Its not, but what it is, is that its absolutely captures the soul of a different place at a different time.
Where the words are able to bring you to a different place and almost exprience what the characters in the books are expriencing.
There is nothing, really, in this world can be better than sitting, reading a book like this and just reveling in the story telling.

Speaking about characters. I seldom find great characters in blockbuster books. I cant even remember the name of the protaganist in the dean-somethings book.
But I do remember every single of the 4 characters in Hornby's "A Long Way Down"
It isnt a long book. But what it had, was characters with such depth, that you feel what they feel, you empathise what they are going thru and you are happy for them when they pull thru whatever struggles they encounter.
and this depth of character, was convened thru brilliant writing and not plot.

Books like that wont make you turn pages.
Books like that make you re-read the paragraph that you just read. They make you wonder how is it possible that brilliance like that, could possibly be recorded and written down on paper.
These books, they dont let you forget.
The one important thing.

Why you loved reading in the first place.

Its not about the plot.
Its not about the character.

If these were the 2 most important things, then the TV would be a better median that a book.

What a book has, that the vulgar tv doesnt.
is beauty of the language.

and I feel very sorry, that the raving reviews of books that I've heard from peers or the media usually got to do with these block buster bullshits.

Have we forgotten what a book is?
Its a idea penned.
Its a emotion penned.

its not just another median to promote violence, sex and whatever new superfulous plots that a writer can think of.

Blockbuster books, dont evoke emotions. They arnt beautiful. They are just thrilling.
and like the end of every thrill, you get a sinking, empty feeling right after you finnish.
Thrills arnt satisfying after you are thrilled. They leave you drained.


Proper books, leaves you satisfied and gives you fufillment.
In our present times of ever expanding salaries and material needs.
I just hope that we dont forget about the simple things that fufill and enrich.
I know I wont, because I've known what a good book is and what great books are.
They are more than television, movies, internet and porn.
Special. They are special.







can you say Hole-Gah?
Got the 2 rolls that I sent for developing back.
Cost me a pretty penny.
But I like what I got. I thought them to be quite good and am pleased.
So pleased, that i got more film to screw around with.
hah, will upload them once I manage to scan the images.

JP's 22nd
We had dinner at Fig & Olive.
We went to JP's place to drink.
We all ended up very drunk and pretty happy.
Till some of them starting pthrowing up.
I didnt =]
Just a pounding headache the day after. Its been such a long time since I drank so much. but still a far cry from the Pierside days. Which I regret. Ive done some pretty daft things while drunk, but thats all in the past and I guess we are all better for it.

Sri Lanka.
Tickets. Check.
Accomodation. Check.
Itinary. Check.
3 Mad fellas. Check.
Pack List SAF style. Check.

Oh yes, we are just waiting for the 11th of May. Prepare for adventure.


Operationally Ready Date.
2nd of june. Todays the 16th of april.
about 6 weeks left.
At last. At long fucking last.

University.
Place confirmed.
Fees paid.
Visa done.
Wella, Vincent, Tyron and sumo the labrador waiting for me.
Will probably be leaving on the 1st week of july.
Its all very exciting.

the only problem I have now is getting a computer.

Komputer Pains =[ so very painful.
Its difficult to get a new computer.
I get the distinct feeling that everysales man I meet wants to cheat my money.
its fustrating and i've decided to buy a computer from the 1st honest sales man that I meet.

there are so many models to choose from and so many cheating salesman to negotiate.
Its tough, its more taxing than getting a wife. Its crazy.

Narrowed down to 2 models.

Now, its a shoot out between a MacBook and a Sony Vaio C series.

What I like about the macbook.
pretty as fark.
OS tiger seems to be quite user friendly and screams cool.
Think its pretty stable. more stable then vista anyway.
1 year international warranty, APP also international.

What I dont like about macbook
I asked the sales man to show me if the macbook could do simple photo editing like adding borders and text to a image.
He cant do it on iphoto.
ask me to get adobe. :a-rolleye
(however, if anyone is able to do it, please let me know, the salesman, other than trying to cheat my monehs, may not know his stuff quite well. but sigh, i did ask at a VERY reputable sales outlet.)

I ask the sales man to show me how ms office runs on macbook.
It took forever to start up. i attribute it to ms office not being UB.
and besides, new ms office for mac coming out end of the year where it will be UB.

Its pretty. BUT, its white, glossy and i think it doesnt look that tough at all. I'm pretty careful with my stuff, but i somehow dont feel confident with this machine withstanding the rigours of commuting.

Even tho alot have been said about the software in the macbook, i dont find anything that really entices me.
not being able to add borders or text really baffles me. even ms paint can do it.
and software like iwork and appleaperture (1000 dollars) is bloody expensive.

I currently use photofilter on my xp but i dont think it'll work on the mac. the website didnt state that it can. so im pretty sure that it cant.

Keyboard is bullshit.

Leopard in oct. dont want to spend more on SW.

Accersory prices are nuts. WMM, Apple keyboard. gross.


bottomline: looks very pretty. warranty is good stuff but many things to dislike.





Sony Vaio C 22
1999 at HN. Free 1 gb ram bump, free sony slip case(v.pwetti) AND FREE MS OFFICE 04!

What I like about the Vaio.
Bloody thing is sexay.
Comes in black with coloured accents! and dont have to pay 300 more!
Full, or rather 80% magnesium case. Uber tough, i dont think the case itself is scratchable, unless you handle stuff like a troll. I like. and i believe magnesium dissipates heat better?
Adobe elements bundled. no more free ware for me :p
Light or lighter than the macbook anyway. 2.31kilos.
drive can write dvds. superdrive on the macbook 1.8ghz cant.
winbloze machine, many freeware, many things like my MS smart phone (n80 is gone. happier for it, tho wasnt so happy in the beginning, but it all worked out pretty well. Love my dopod now.) , ipod and XBOX 360 will work seemlessly with a winblows machine.
(If i get the macbook, gotta reformat my ipod. urgh.)


What I dont like about the Vaio
Shitty aftersales service (hear say)

1 year LOCAL warranty only. Need to add $99 for 1 year international. what bollllocccckkkkkks

I ask the saleslady to unlock the computer to give me a go.
Once she logged on, some error msgS popped up. :confused:
Even she didnt know what to do.
As per normal, ignoring all the alarms blaring, she just clicked on the X at the top right hand corner.
Not exactly giving me confidence.
winbloze ah winbloze. haiz. (vista, what shit what shit?!?!?!!?)
Read too many articles online about vista, would wait for SP1 if possible but it aint.

no webcam. (not really that big an issue)

Im not too convinced with the free 1gb ram bump. Since all the retailers ive looked offered the same thing, i drew the conclusion that for vista to run anywhere near passable, you need at least 1gb ram. All those talk about it being able to be runned at 512ram for vista home, i think its only tolerable if you are as slow as a 90 year old geriatic.
pui.

keyboard is horse shite.

Sony got many many many useless software bundled. will slow system down. cant screw around and del em as apparantly it'll screw up some drivers.


bottom line: i like this. the quirks i think i can live with. vista problems should be much better by SP1. Speedwise, i'll just go SLS and get some ram. would just be slightly more expensive than the macbook.


At the moment, I'm really leaning in favour of the vaio. I'd give it more thought before I make my purchase.


I know some of the terms are abit technical and trust me its as baffling to me as to you. But I try to make cowsense of them and I think i'll try to make the most informed decision before I go ahead with my purchase.






woah. Its 4am.
What am I going to do later in the day?
I dont know actually.
and I like this feeling of not knowing how I am going to spend my day.
it does show plenty of promise. Maybe I'll catch smokin aces. yes, maybe I will.
But then again, my plans change with the wind. I guess I'll just see what direction the wind is blowing.


I'll sign off here.
Its a bitch to read such a long entry, but well, its my choice to write and yours to read.
So we cant possibly blame anyone can we?