Thurs. It started off brilliant even when I was fucking nervous. An intimate dinner dinner with 4 of my closests friends. Is it too formal? A table of 6 at Pasta Brava in a lil alcove right at the back of the restaurant. R met them for the first time. They met R for the first time. She rubbed Jo's belly and felt Beanie kick. We drank champagne. Laughed. Gorged ourselves on the best scallops, pasta and italian desert. It was a 500 dollar dinner and worth every fucking cent. R looked ravashing that night. I had my hand on her leg through dinner. I couldn't help myself, the closeness. I couldn't even take a proper photo. I sent her home in a cab. We talked. I was deriliously happy even if I didn't dare let her know it. There and then, I was deriliously happy. And no, I dont use the word "happy" alot.
-----
Fri. We were supposed to go out. I couldnt. I was sick for a day when my toothache really ravaged me.
-----
Sat. I was still sick. But I was better. R came to meet me even though our movie plans fell through again. We both had trucker caps on. We had a fish dinner like cats. She had a $3.50 oyster. For desert, I had chocolate banana bread. R made it. I thought it was quite tasty but she thought it tasted horrid. I thought dinner was great. After that we went to tea dot. A lollipop and a Macha Red Date later, we left. Late that night, she couldn't sleep. She was troubled. She pulled, I pushed. Back and forth with no resolution. 5am. Exhausted. We both left it. Tears? Frustration? I don't know.
-----
Sunday. 11am. She asked "Did you sleep ok?" I went "Are you not going out to meet your friends?" "No, I'm tired." She has a 1 hr short appointment at 2pm. I had a family lunch. Family commitments till 4pm. But she says we should do a movie. We did. From 5, we had a leisurely evening coffee. A 7pm screening. Kick ass movie, Star Trek. I loved it and I loved having R next to me. A late dinner near her place. I even bought supper for my folks. Again, I was so happy. She went to bed early. I was relived. I slept at 4. But I was content. Its like the song "Dakota" going on and on and on and it felt good.
------
Monday started shit. She did something that was probably innocuous to her, but bothered the fuck out of me. I didn't tell her. I tell myself, patience, patience and three times patience. I sat at work and fumed. I didnt speak to anyone. I bashed out two stories which if you ask me, were totally a waste of my time.
After work, she went to her gym class. I went for a haircut. I wanted to head home to pack. Midway she suddenly realised I was flying off the day after. Wednesday. Instead of heading home, she came to see me. She forgot I was flying on the 29th. She thought it was the 30th. I told her it is ok, we can meet tomorrow. I am a big boy. She wasn't sure if she could do tomorrow. I said. "If you want to see me, sure." She came in her Nikes, no make up. She didn't even eat. She had tea. It was a quick dinner for me. I sent her home. Times like these I get confused by her actions. I can't tell what she is driving at. But the other side tells me to just accept it. Its her way of expression, appreciate it.
------
Ok, strictly speaking, I fucking know that Monday isnt part of the long weekend. But so?
Oh yea, you know what also happened on Monday? A poor attempt at a olive branch. Petutantly I said "I hate her". Thats what I told Jess. Jess said that hate is a strong word. Petutantly I said those words.
There were sweet moments. There were times where I was truly happy. But sometimes, it was truly bad for me.
-------