Q: "Will you miss me?"
R: "Yes. I actually think so..."
Q: "Please just be alright."
R: "I thank god for introducing you during one of the toughest times in my life."
I don't know what R is trying to say. The more I try to pull away, the more stuck I become.
You said that love means one would do anything. But what if I gave you everything but you didn't love me?
I don't want to love you. Not now. Not when you can't love me back. I am selfish like that.
--------------
L: "I feel contented. Happy. Contented."
Why is she telling me this? What is the point? It is just not going to happen so why make it so difficult for both of us?
What do you want from me?
We can take all the siestas in the world.
We can steal away when no one is looking.
We can pretend all we want.
You can even deny it if you want.
But you, you and I, we both know there is something there.
And no, I will not be the one to destroy something that isn't mine.
--------------
Friday, May 03, 2013
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
"All in." "fold."
I don't know why I did it. But I shared what happened with her. In hind sight, I guess I didn't have too. Especially when I clearly knew what I was going to do and I even knew what she was going to say.
She was surprised at the intensity and I told her it is not her fault. She just did not know better.
But the poor girl, struggling. I want to help her, but I don't want to. Do you know what I mean? No you don't.
I guess it is another chapter closed. But at the end of the day, the month did her good and the month did me good. At the very least, I started writing again right?
If you need to know, nothing "ended" because nothing started.
As always, there are take aways from it right? Lessons that can be learned.
Well my take away is that I can share. I can divulge. It feels horrible, but in a weird way, its carthasis. Sure, you feel vulnerable, but it is only in that instance. When you are done, you look back, and you see the bravery which you just exhibited. Can it feel good? Well in a way it can.
Was I afraid?
Sure, I was scared as hell. But I did it anyway. I'm antagonistic like that.
She was surprised at the intensity and I told her it is not her fault. She just did not know better.
But the poor girl, struggling. I want to help her, but I don't want to. Do you know what I mean? No you don't.
I guess it is another chapter closed. But at the end of the day, the month did her good and the month did me good. At the very least, I started writing again right?
If you need to know, nothing "ended" because nothing started.
As always, there are take aways from it right? Lessons that can be learned.
Well my take away is that I can share. I can divulge. It feels horrible, but in a weird way, its carthasis. Sure, you feel vulnerable, but it is only in that instance. When you are done, you look back, and you see the bravery which you just exhibited. Can it feel good? Well in a way it can.
Was I afraid?
Sure, I was scared as hell. But I did it anyway. I'm antagonistic like that.
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