I dont like it when you snap at me.





Why do hairdressers like to have conversations while they are doing their jobs?

I'm quite sick of being interrogated about my private life by my hairstylists.

Catherine is like that, monica is like that and today, bloody peter does the exact same thing.

It doesnt matter if its supercuts, klearcuts or tWist, they do the same thing.

It doesnt matter if i get my hair cut at raffles place, far east or serangoon gardens.

It doesnt matter if the hair cut costs me 35 dollars, 25 dollars or some other amount.

They are bound to ask the same questions and give the same remarks.

Remarks / Questions
1) You should come in more often! So long never drop by?
2) aiyoh, why your hair like that? like wild grass.
3) So thick.
4) Layer it for you. We leave the sideburns ok?
5) When you gonna ORD?
6) After ORD do what?
7) Got girlfriend or not?
8) Today no need work ah?
9) At home got the special gel/wax or not?
10) Ok, wash hair first.



I rotate among my hairstylists so that I dont have to re-elaborate already given answers.
Its abit stressful trying to answer their questions while they are slamming my head around.
Sniping away at my hair uncomfortably close to my ears.

This is not all.
I find that they always have pieces of advice given on whatever ASTUTE observation that they think they are making.

i've heard alot, but this takes the cake.
even my officer doesnt command me in this way.


"Heh, after haircut, go home and rest. You look like a wreck."



it seems as tho what they are telling you is of utmost importance.
and yet simple things you tell em, like "heh peter, i dont want a slope" goes pass them.

I got abit of a slope at the back courtesy of peter.
Its not unsightly or anything.
Its just, i'd prefer if he listened to me. Even if for abit.

But i guess, they will forever be like that.
They will cut it the way that they think will suit you best.
If not, why are you handing over the cash to em?
If you want your hair cut exactly the way you want it to look (UNKER, FLAT TOP, NO SIDE BURN, BEHIND SLOPE, BUT THE GEL MAKE SPIKY SPIKY), go look for a barber.





-_-



but despite all that.
i still visit one of them once a month.
sheesh.
I should learn how to cut my own hair.

I actually wanted to blog last night.

However, ever since I've returned to work, my body clock has been realigned to one for the slave to the grind.
Im not saying its bad, but i do find nodding away at my computer at 1130pm alittle irritating.

I'm on leave today.

It feels good to be home on a day every one is working.
I got a few errands to run.
Maybe cut my hair and catch a movie.
Print some photos.
Run by starbucks.
Dinner.
The day is filled with the oppotunities to fill time.
Hopefully there will be stuff to shoot as well.
I'm itchy to take some photos.



Well.
its already 1130.
I gotta leave soon then.

blog again soon. ciao.

I left you a little message by a little place which is alittle lost in time.




We had fun didnt we?
and if you think we did.
We must do it again.
I very much want too and I hope you feel the same.

Have fun over the weekend =]
See you soon.

What are you left with at the end of the day?




Perth. Oakover Winery.


(P.S i think thats jessie in the picture. i'm not sure)


Short day in camp.

Booked out at 3pm because there wasnt much to do.
For now.


Office politics doesnt suck when you are the best player in the game.
It only stinks for the people who dont know how to play it.
Its all about speaking to the right people.
Pissing off the correct people.
Its about planting a correct word at a essential time to achieve the desired effect.

Its about being non emotive.
Its about being cunning, devious and sharp.
Subtle hints, slurring of the words, the look of bewildment and the hint of mischief in one's eye.

You need to know what are the things that are worth doing and you need to know the best time to do those things.
You need to look far ahead, things that happen today might result in exaltaion or great disaster in the week that follows.
Weighing up the pros and cons and consequences of everysingle action.
Calculating all possibilitie that you can derive in the shortest time possible.




I am good at this game.
Very good at this game.
But I dont particulary like it.
But its not that I can help it. Its like, once I slip into garments in a shade of camo green, I suddenly feel that there is no way other than this way.

Cause the way I see it, in this present day and age, its not all about the hardwork you put into your work.
What matters as much is the work and effort you put in with the people whom you work with.


Every morning, the first thing I do when I reach camp, is to have a quiet smoke by myself. Staring at the misty open field of the dawn.

Plotting.

Attacking others to consilidate my own position and guarding myself against the hostilities from others that I cant see. Sometimes I feel this is what I do everyday.

I dont feel like a better person for it, but I dont see anyway that I can avoid it.






Thankfully, its not everyday that I've got to tax myself in this game of deceit and subterfugde.





I appreciate days where I can be myself.
I appreciate those people whom I can let my guard down with.
I appreciate the things that I can do without a worry in the world.
I'm grateful for the fact that when the working week ends, i can be myself for the weekend.

Where I can sit at a cafe reading and not having to worry about whats being said or done.
Where I can take photos and not think about how best to elevate my own position and the powers that I have in hand.

Where I can have a laugh with friends, with an laughter that is genuine and spontaneous.
Where I can look into your eyes and have no fear of you looking right into my mind.

By The Way, I tried to say I'll be there. - RCHP. By The Way









Perth.

One cold evening, walking alone taking photos.


























just a photo that i worked on last night.
will post a few more in the coming days.
Comments are welcomed.

I'm not going to UWA.

My application came in the mail couple days back, they didn't offer me a place.

Well, I'm not too bothered by it.



Sometimes,

the circumstances are so ironic that i can even find it funny.

You can plan.

But it always doesnt seem to play to plan.

A wry smile, the ludicity of it all is abit baffling.

But well, I'd just wait for the other applications to fill out.



I'm not so sure anymore.
It kinda seems like people suddenly wants to make decisions for me again.

well. whaddya know.

hmm.

food for thought without the time to ponder.




You are most welcomed.

Thank you.
Its been my pleasure.

I am le tired.

After the weekend.




Truly a Cult Classic To Me.

I love taking photos.
and I dont usually allow people to shoot with me.
much less touch my camera.


I am very lucky.

Its a rare and an extremely cherished thing, to be able to do what you love with people that matter.


















I'm right here, thinking of words that would fit.
But it suddenly seems that my vocab is extremely shallow.
I really dont know where to start.

So I wont even try.







Its very simple. To me, You are still insatiably and unequivocaly intoxicating.

Its a good friday.

Its an offday fer me.
After working overtime for the past week, the overload of the clerks decided that an off day was in order.

Thus, all of us have suddenly got a free day off.

It feels good. It feels really good.

I got up customarily late. I sleep in on occasions when i dont have much to do.
Besides, I got some game time in last night. After a whole week of not being able to do so.

Its now only mid day and i think im ready to head out for a walk.

I've just had my lunch. Simple stuff.
I just dug around in the refridgerator to see what was available.
It taste much better than camp's food.
and I didnt have a bad tempered auntie serving me.
Its a refreshing change if i might say so myself.


So now, what shall I do and where should I go?
I'd think I'll head down town to pick up some stuff.
Run some errands.
And propably waste time at starbucks smoking and reading again.

But then again, it does sound a good a plan as any.

I dont have any dinner plans.
If anyone is feeling lonesome, do call.
If no one calls, I'd just have more of my own time then.
Thats always good.
Doing what I want, when I want.

Its especially good as during the week, I have to do the things that people make me do.
But well, its all in a weeks work.

This week, I had to talk and think really fast to keep a friend outta the detention barracks but I did it in the end.
I must admit, i cheated and lied quite abit to accomplish what I set out to do.
However, I'm not prepared to send a friend straight to the suck.
But in anycase, i believe whats done is done and whats done my me is now foolproof.

"Qian, buecracy works, only because fuckers like you who exploit the loopholes make it work."

that pretty much sums it up =]

All in the weeks work.

Within two days.

I had 5 people labelling me as an arrogant prick.

To which i replied. "I dont suffer fools."

It was rude of me to say that, however, the truth hurts.

Do I care?

Not much.

But enough to ask people around me if im arrogant.




Am I arrogant?

maybe.

Am I a proud person?

Yes.



My mum says I'm arrogant and snobbish.
I think she is right to a certain extent.


But my mum says it might not necesarily be a bad thing.



Proud people have an understanding with the people they care for; or an understanding they hope to instill in those people.
Proud people dont say things that they feel.
Because proud people make those feelings they feel for others painfully and inherently obvious.
Words cant and will never show the whole specturm and gamut of feelings or emotions.

I suppose its just like how my parents never ever say anything to me about me.



But then I try.
I realise that sometimes, we still need to fall back on the good ole writings and words.
I really prefer the spoken word, the heated conversations and the private whispers.
But from time to time, I excerise writing. Just because I like it and also because i can explain myself better.

Write to me.
Write for me.

Just like how I've been writing you since that fateful day, 14th May 2004.











You may not know it, but i love your aristocract nose, your snobbish expressions and your waspish retorts.
And you look so sweet with your get back stare. (a line from a Jet song.)

I like the way you look in your buoyancy compensator and your compressed air tank.

Gears of War












Beefy gun totting alien blasting red necks.





Viva Pinata















Cutesy gaylily coloured pinatas with names like horsetachio(mix between horse and pistachio), Syrupent ( Syrup and Serpent ) and Cinnamonkey ( Cinnamon and Monkey )



2 games thats out in november.

I can only pick one.









I CHOOSE VIVA PINATA!

who can resists animals filled with sweets?
its a no brainer.
You'll love viva pinata too.
Heh, it has animals and candy innit.

Friday Night burnt to a crisp.

Live firing.
Combat Shoot.
Team Based.

if i get a wo wo shooter in my detail.
Im going to shoot him or her.

Sar21. Boring.
Bring on the GPMG please.

Gary Jules - Mad World

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, Going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, No expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, No tomorrow


And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World, Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson
Look right through me, Look right through me

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad World, Mad World

Enlargen your world

Mad World






its inexplicable.
unexplainable.
its inevitable.
its fucking horrible.

only if we make it to be.

We can both make it better. I will make it better.



I'm feeling pensive at the moment.
Its like something that I've never really exprienced for quite some time.
A part of me is heading towards that nose dive of a spiral that I will not pull out off.
Crashing and burning seems inevitable.

Another part of me, is feeling that all is possible.
We have come thus far.
Thru hellfire and brimstone.
Hanging on even seems easy.
Its starting to feel second nature.

Its a peculiar kind of feeling.
I may not particularly like it now.
But I may grow to like it in times to come.
its hard to explain really.

Like a tight rope near to snapping point but yet, by virtue of all those little
strands, it seems as tho hanging on for another minute doesnt seem that much more difficult.

Its those little strands.
I figured, it must be those little strands.
It must have got something to do with those strands.

These strands are simple things.
I've said what these strands were.
I figured them out a long time ago.
I wrote them down.
What these strands were that I so much love.
what these strands were that i find so irresistable.
what these strands were that i have a unequivocal insatiable need for.
What these strands were to me that I've never really been at peace without them at my side.
What these strands were that Ive never said what they would make me do.

I dare you.

I guess. All these things are inherent.
From our past.
From where we have comed from.
From what we have seen.

But what we dont know. So importantly that it overwhelms me. So important that i try so hard to make you see.

Is where we will go.
and what we will see.

If we walk together.







It wont be a mistake.
I wont permit it.
You just got to trust.

Trust yourself.
Trust me.
Trust yourself to me.



And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had.

Listening.
Eric Clapton - Layla


Back to work.
I took no time to get back into the mood.
I dived straight into it.
First thing in the morning I'm heading to 2 Court Martials.
Bim Bam Wham Take em.
11 and 6 months.
Good riddance.

Returned to camp in the afternoon.
Submerged myself in paper work.
Getting to know slightly, the new faces.
Including my new superior and some fresh meat that just came in days earlier.
I'll reserve my thoughts on them new faces for now.
I dont really trust new people until i trust them.


The audit is near.
Office is at near frenzy.
Im glad I came back at this time.
Time passes really quickly when you are brows deep(boot height included) in legal documents and SAF doctrines.

I'm pleased to find out that I've loss non of the edge that gave me the edge.
Im still multi fucking tasking and keeping my temper in check.
Pleasing and pissing people at the same time takes the cake.

Steady working kept me going till 9pm when i finally left camp.
I'm knacked and tired out.
But at least i feel like its back.
This rush.
This mad dash.

Its back to my comfort level, where I can chain smoke while slashing thru stacks and stacks of documents relating to the scum of the unit. (I'm in charge of displinary matters)
Where I can sit at a chaotic office and concentrate so soley on my task at hand that i forget the time.

Its comforting.
To know that heh, I've been away.

But the hardest SOB in the valley is back.


and sitting here at my desk just after having dinner (its 11pm now), taking a shower, drinking cold cola and smoking my menthol cigarettes, I just feel surprisingly fresh.
Its weird.
I should be dead tired and pissed like Im used to.
But heh no.
I feel surprising good.
Must be all that endorphins.
It feels something like 'runner's high'
Its hard to explain.






Come on come one. make this work.

In additon, things are looking up on a collaboration that Im rigging.
I wont give any details now. But at the moment, i feel like a football super agent like the zahavidude who rigs transfers.

What am I working on? I'll tell when....
I will when i finally finalised the deal.
Its an idea that came to me couple of months back and Ive been working steadily towards it.
At this point of time, it looks extremely promising.
Im just hoping that in the end, everyone at the table will be happy and everyone will be richer for it.

Cross your fingers for me.
It could be just the first leap of faith that I'm attempting in the real world.
Awesome.

Guys, please click the banner once everytime you visit my blog.

i'll be most thankful in a couple of weeks time.

thankew.

DERBY OF MILAN.

INTERNAZIONALE 4 - AC MILAN 3

yes. at long last.

take that you cheating bastards.








one day. We'll go to milan together.

I dont sleep. well.

I have always been like this.

As far as I remember, ever since i was a kid, i always had a problem falling asleep when I got things on my mind.

It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how tired I am, if I got stuff on in my head, I always will still have problems dirfting to sleep.

Somehow, issues which are sometimes easy to sidestep in the day with all its light and distractions always come to assualt my mind in the quiet of the night.

I could be feeling really comfortable in bed but my mind would be thinking of stuff.

It usually leaves me a tired wreck by the morning despite a night spent in bed.

Even counting white sheeps doesnt work.

I rely on pills.
Small Little White Pills.

They arnt sleeping pills, they are a sort of sedative. Given by my doctor.
I've been trying to wean myself of em but its slow going.
Most nights i still find myself reaching for the pills so that I can get to sleep easily.
The pills are good.
They give me nice dreams.

Like this night (its alraedy morning. 630am actually), no white pills. No sleep. Not even a wink.
and I actually feel tired after X06 and meeting up with the rest of team damnation.


So whats with this self sleep deprivation thing?

Well, allow me to elaborate.

It doesnt matter whether its good things or bad things. If there are things in my head, i will find it very hard to go to bed.
Most times i try to read myself to bed.
But sometimes it just doesnt work when you realised that you are already half way into a 300 page book when you didnt even have the intention to finnish the first 3 chapters.

I guess I'm quite envious of people who can just fall asleep at the drop of a command. They get all the rest that they need I suppose.


But then again, I've come to realised that I'm someone who can function perfectly just with minimal sleep time.

Prior to my little sojourn that Im currently enjoying, I used to go to bed only at 2 or 3am daily only to wake up at 545am to go to camp.




But sometimes me not being able to sleep distress me.
Its not for any other reason other than,

I just think that anyone would prefer a nice restful sleep than to fuck around with the lil issues in your life when you are warm under covers with a soft pillow under your head.

thats all.

to NYDC munkey -
I left you a message few days back. Hope you have read it.

Secondary School Leaving Certificate.

Name: Low Yi Qian
Class: 4E2/ 2001

I) Admitted on 2 January 1998 to a FOUR year course leading to the Singapore Cambridge General Certificate Of Education Ordinary Level Examination.

II) Results of School Preliminary Exam: Passed
Distincitons/Credits Achieved: 4 Credits. (meant that i passed only 4 subjects at the prelims.)

III) Conduct: Good (this means NOT good)

IV) Personal Qualities
Reponsive - A
(Oh yea, they got this right. Always spoiling for an argument or a fight with a teacher to ease the boredom of the long school day.)

Polite - B
( When he wants to, he is exqusitely polite. When he doesnt, just run first talk later)
Helpful - B (No Comments.)

Hardworking - C
(HELL YES! ME LAZY. ME SO FUCKING LAZY I GOT AN A1)

Responsible - B
( After the dustbin episode, he carrys out his threats. Responsible as fuck.)

Honest - A
(my teachers really didnt know me well enough.)

Attentive - B
(Always looking for a chance to ridicule a teacher or fellow classmate.)

Punctual - B
(ALWAYS IN TIME FOR RECESS AND RELEASE. SOMETIMES HE DECIDES WHEN HE WANTS TO GO.)

V) Remarks: Yi Qian is articulate and vocal in class and responds intelligently in class discussions. He has a wide knowledge of current issues and picks up new skills quickly.



ok. Let me rewrite the 'remarks' and be completely honest with what my teachers thought of me.

Yi Qian talks too much (articulate) and is extremely disruptive (vocal) and he talks about things which i have dont understand and i cant have that because im a TEACHER and Im suppose to KNOW EVERYSINGLE FUCK THING IN THIS WORLD. (responds intelligently in class) He knows way too much that is good for him and i cant out talk him in a discussion about global warming or the detrimental effects of listening to boybands. (wide knowledge on current issues) and he always picks on students who he think are lesser than he is and ridicules them mercilessly. (picks up new skills quickly)



Teachers.
They will burn in hell for all the lies they wrote in my sch leaving cert.

I never realised that i could speak hokkien till that fatefull night.

Bloody Chickens fight Sal Kar secret weapon and win!!!

We went 3 rounds against the "Turtle" and beat it all 3 times.

Participating BC members:

1) Uncle Buaya
2) Raffles
3) Super Pigeon
4) Githias
5) KingKangKong
6) Grifter 71

And yes, we got a pretty medal for our efforts!!WooooooooHooooooooo!!!

I never knew that I could speak hokkien till i watched this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lZ1H0gk8Gc

This is the video that unker raffles took when we fought against the Sal Karian Secret weapon on Chrome Hounds.

I realised that i was spewing hokkien while communicating with my squad mates.

you will hear me screaming "HIDE! RAFFLES! HIDE!" and some other gems of me blabbering.

In the video, you will hear 6 grown man squel in delight like little school boys.


be cautioned.

Be afraid.

this is why i love my xbox.


and yes.


I want you to play lumines with me.

One size fits all.

uh.

no.

One word fits all.

uh.

Fuck.

1) What'd you say when you first wake up in the morning?

fug.

2)What'd you say when your favourite football team wins.

fuck brilliant!

3)What'd you say when when your favourite football team loses?

FUCK.

4) What'd you say when a supermodel walks past you so close that you catch a whiff of her perfume?

fuck.....

5)What'd you say when Metallica's Entersand man comes on the radio.

\m/ FUCKKK \m/

6) What'd you say when when Sound of Music comes on the radio.

ugh fuck.

7) What'd you say when you check your bank balance.

fuck....

8) What'd you say when someone says that fiona xie's singing is flat.

fuck lor.

9) What'd you say when you frag someone's ass on xbox live.

fuckyea!

10) What'd you say when when someone frags your ass on xboxlive.

FOOOOK YOU.

11) What'd you say when when someone tells you that 'the longest yard' is the best movie they ever watched.

w-the-fucc

12) What'd you say when when you realise you still got 7 months before you ord.

fark.

13) What'd you say when a boy band song comes on.

fuckbollocks.

14) What'd you say when your iPod runs outta juice.

fuck no.....

15) What'd you say when you see a disgusting msn Display Pic pop up. (eh fn, what'd you say ah?)

fuck ewwwwwwwwww fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

There are many good bands and musicians around.

But i feel that non of them quite write the lyrics like Pink Floyd does.

Genuis.

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell
Blue skies from pain
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail
A smile from a veil
Do you think you can tell

Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts
Hot ashes for trees
Hot air for a cool breeze
Cold comfort for change
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage

How I wish
How I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Running over the same old ground
What have we found
The same old fears
Wish you were here

Poetry.
Like when you move.
Poetry in motion.

the analysis at work.

Its amazing how fast things move when people make them.
Inversly, its amazingly slow when one daddles on issues at hand.


Im feeling geekily good from last night.
After wrestling with the router, the xbox and my desktop. I finally made them talk to each other and share secrets.

if i laid out the details, i will probably bore you to death.
But damn, it feels good when you make things work.


X06 is turning into a farce.
Whats X06?
Its the premier event where xbox gamers (like me) gather infront of the microsoft dudse and look at them dangle temptations at us.
Temptations that will only result in us prying open wallets and handing over cold hard cash.
Its well known for its lavishness AND prizes AND its goodie bags.
Past year's events had games (70bucks a piece) in their goodie bags and free flow booze.
last year's event was held at zouk.
So now you understand the clamour to get those tickets.

Why is it turning into a farce?
Singaporeans.

Singaporeans, a great bunch.
it doesnt matter what they have.
as long as its free.
just take.
Look, if anyone wants my goodie bag, just ask.
Fucking hell.
300 places means 300 places.
No more no less.
No whinning if you cant get tickets because you are not a paying member of the community.
Fuck. OFF.


and oh yea. I almost forgot.
I've have a extra ticket.
It has your name on it.
27th October.

sexay.










closeddoor event babeh.
Come get some.

When people walk into my life.

and if they mean alot to me.

I let them stay.

and when I let them stay.

They get what the others get.

A lifetime from me.


-thought provoking piece of shite.

ironically fitting.

Bittersweet Symphony.

Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, that's life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then, you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Ya know, the one that takes you
To the places where all the things meet, yeah

Wont change
I can't change
But i'm here in my mode
I am here in my mode
But I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mode no, no, no, no, no

Well I never pray, but tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me yea
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and theres nobody singing to me now

Wont change
I can't change
But I'm here in my mode
I am here in my mode
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mode no, no, no, no, no
(have u ever been down)
I can't change it
I can't change it

Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, thats life
Trying to make ends meet
Try to find some money then you die

And no,
I can't change
But im here in my mode
I am here in my mode
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mode no, no, no, no, no

cause yes.

I think its what it is.
A bittersweet symphony.

ive made up my mind.

im caught between a rock and a hard place.

I am at a lost of what to do.

Give me a whisper and give me a sigh. Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye.
- Guns and Roses. Dont Cry.

taste it, inhale it. feel it, exhale it.
repeat
and repeat
and repeat.

Hate me, for I dont know how to hate you.


its 417am.
I'm at my desk, listening to music.
Sifting thru the different tracks outta podie.

The air is really bad. I've got the air conditioning turned on.
The haze is killing everything and my lungs.
and this is coming from someone who smokes too many cigarettes a day than its good for him.
You know its bad.

I'm so self destructive.

I'm struggling.
To keep to promises that I made in the past.
I no longer know if those promises are worth keeping.
as a matter of principle, i never break promises.
I'm not pretending that its a walk in the park.
Its difficult. Its so fucking difficult yet I dont know how I stick to them all the time.
All the fucking time.

I'm missing.
The times.
The people.
The atmosphere so tense, that you can almost taste it.
The gamut of feelings so strong that you can almost touch them.
The taunt electricity in the air.
vous.



I am so self destructive.
But I dont need anyone to save me.
I can save myself.
I'm ok.
I'm always ok.

Always.

I like putting things up.

I spend the better part of the day today trashing my room.

Cleaning up the place and rearranging where things were suppose to be.

I dont pretend to like cleaning, but its a necessary evil.

And after clearing out all the stuff that i deem as garbage, i came to the conclusion that my room lacks a certain something.

The thing about my room is that yes, its comfortable, it has everything anyone would ever need.
Well maybe not anyone, but rather everything a 21year old could need.

The necessary things are all there. Bed, storage places, workstation (big one), computer, hifi, tv and whatnot.

However, my room lacks a personal touch.
If you came in it now, you'd think its a hotel room.

Why?

Cos I dont put any decorative items in my room.
my room is strictly uliterian and thats how I like it.

Pure functionality.


That means, there are no candles, no photos, no comfty armchairs( my chair is a simple plastic one from ikea that is cheap, functional and resaonably comfortable.) For goodness sake, i even keep the books i read into containers when Im done with them.

If you came into my room, you wouldnt know its my room.
There is NO clue that this room belongs to me.
Cept if you recognise my laptop.

However today.

I changed alittle things.
I put up 2 photos and my prom ticket up in some photo frames that i bought sometime ago from ikea, i just never came across the chance to put them to good use.

I even dug up some decorative items that were given as gifts to me and placed them around just to get a feel of a room of someone who actually lives in it.

the result?

its a mix bag i suppose.

On one hand, i hate the friviloity of deco items.
On the other hand, it seems quite nice and breaks up the impersonal feelings quite abit.

So I dont know.
I'll see how it goes.

Who knows, by tomorro, I would have packed everything away in plastic boxes again.
hmmmmm.

Do We Still Care?

some pictures to share. fooling around with the materials that i have.



























Raffles Hotel.
Billards and Pool Restraunt.








He will grow up to best me.





Not naugthy. But evil.

















I dont really like kids.
But this is my favoured cousin.
Why?
Cause he is one nasty lil fucker.
He'll do quite well when he grows up.
Who knows, he may even be a bigger bastard than I am.
He got the potential.



alright.
enough for today.
short post.
cos i had a long post yesterday.
Blog again soon.
keep the tag board healthy.
Ciao.

Its not always 'goodbye', with special people, its always just a 'see you later'.

Food for thought.



You know the song by cold play called Fix you?

well i say.


Piss you.



























for the girls reading this.
This is how urinals look like.
if you have seen them before, i take it that you have been to the boy's room before.
naugthy.



we watched Imagine Me & You today.

its suppose to be a lesbian flick
and yes, it has lesbians in it.

but i wouldnt recommend it.
its just a feel good love show.
nothing much to it.

best part was just a drunk old man doing da disco.


boring boring.

catch miami vice tho. its not bad.
but i say this again.
Best movie this year is Lucky Number Slevin.



If you are bored.











This on the other hand is really fun.
Did this on a boring afternoon.
www.warninglabelgenerator.com
Goodshit.




Its good to play together.
Video Games. Xbox360. Live Compliant. Currently playing : Chrome Hounds.

Why do I spend a few hours each day peering at my tv screen playing the xbox 360?
simple.

Because its bloody good fun.
and it doesnt cost me anything..
well......almost....

well...erm...

ok.
no.
they cost me alot of money.
but still. its good fun and value for money.

Everynight, I'll turn on the xbox knowing that I'll have friends waiting for me to have a great time.
and these friends are people who share a passion for video games.
Essentially, its always fun to do things with people who love the things that is being done.

everynight, its a fun way to spend time for me.
everyone talks funny when playing games.

"oh sheet oh sheet! whoami! faster come help me!"
"take that! take that!"
"die die die. aiyoh knn i die liao"
"oh fuck, im down."
"raffles! contacted! Enemy spotted at E7!"
"eh kingkangkong, knn, you kill steal! thats my frag!"
"eh cb camper!"
"beddy, fuck you lar beddy"
"GO GO GO!"
"eh where you all? I lost!" (female gamers always seem to say this.)
"eh evil hound! you shoot me for what?!?!?!?!"
"oh. pai seh pai seh.."
"sniper. fuck i hate snipers....."
"EH YOU PUSSIFIED TWEEETY BIRD!"
"puuuukkkkkkkkkkkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"
"buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttttooooooooooooooooooooo"
"oh you chose the wrong pussy to fuck today mano.."
"eh. i scared leh."
"oh nabeh. fall down again"
"sheet sheet sheet. i dying soon"
"narbay chao turtle..."
"eh i newb i newb dont shoot me k." (usually newbies die first. its the way things go. Amatures drink veteran piss.)
"EH DEY! HELP ME DEY! HELP ME!"


so you see, hearing how people talk online is already extremely entertaining.

the best parts is when the americans go
"fuck its laggy because we have people from china. fuck off you chinese fuckers"
and thats cue for us to hitback.
and trust me.
that aint pretty.
girls swearing like seasoned pros.
oooh.
you got to hear it to believe it.


More on the nice people.
These friends of mine are serious gamers.
They have no qualms spending 600 bucks on a console.
70 dollars for every game.
88 dollars a year for xboxlive service
100 bucks a month for hi speed internet connection.
3k on a HD tv.
and another couple hundreds more for a sound system.
We are talking about guys who pay 200 dollars and above for CABLES.
yes, 200 dollars for a pair of cables.

trust me.
there is no more "dad i want that playstation."
with us. its more off.
"Im off to the shop to get a xbox."
done and dusted.



but i digress....

Why is it fun to play with them?
Firstly, gaming is not just for geeks anymore.
its a means of reliveing stress.
These people i play with are generally aged over 30 years old.
Some even on the wrong side of 40.
infact, Im one of the youngest in the gang at 21.
only 3 guys are younger than me.
And we are talking about a demograhpy of around 20 people every night.
all singaporeans, all normal singaporeans who have familes and jobs in the day.

its fun when we chit chat in between games.
Bitching about work, money, wives, gfs and being single.
its fun when we trash talk and spew hokkien vulgarities at the americans who are rude and unfriendly.

The jappos are alright. But we wouldnt know.
Why?
cause we dont speak japanese?

The taiwanese are piss.
lousy as shit.


sometimes there are gatherings where we go out as a whole big group.
and im talking around 30 people here.
People of all ages and from all walks of life.
People who have been there and done that.
Ranging from the very rich to the very poor.
well ok, not very poor. just not as rich.
you get my drift?

or rather.
From people who take the bus and to people who drive the merc.
Talking to them once in awhile is refreshing to me.
At least, there is one common topic in which we can talk about and not feel left out.
From students to big wig executives in companys like Shell.
Its a weird combination granted.
But its all cool. all cool.


of cos, its not always that we meet nice people.
We meet shitty people too.
people who ego's are so fucking huge it needs to reside on mars and people who have such big dicks stuffed in their asses that they should see a shrink.
But by and large, the xbox frantenity is a friendly one and one which i feel at ease with.
well, most times.
Im after all really young compared to them.


I like gaming.
I like it enough to lose sleep because of it.
I like it as its ever changing.
Its never boring.
There is always new games to try out.
but as i said.
The best part to it is that i can play with others.
its good to play together.

If its not.

please explain to me what you were doing all those times when you were playing something with friends.
its more than the game, its the human interaction.

Video games, potentially can bring people together.
I enjoy as much as playing my psp to letting my friends have a go on em.
jessie, hans, spence all used to play my psp when i still had it.
(what happened to me psp is another story. I've gotten rid of it due to reasons only privy to myself.)

well, i actually have more to say.
But im quite tired.
So I'll stop now.
Blog again soon.
Ciao.

skin change.

archives is up. like how you guys wanted it.
just below the tagboard bitchyas.

Now you can relive all my pervious cockenadan postings like you all requested.

tell me how you guys like this skin.

I quite like it.
but who knows, I may change it again tomorro.

time to go.
ciao.

the future.....

People frequently ask me if i have plans for the future.

I'm really looking to the future if you ask me.

I have plans.

Lots of plans and goals which i want to achieve.

I have alot of ideas which I believe can be developed further.
The chinese side of me has really come out during this few months of sick leave.
It seems as thought for once, i have direction and plans.

I have been giving my future alot of thoughts and now it seems that the future is brighter and better than it ever seemed.

As I said, i firmly believe in my directions and goals.
As for my ideals, im convinced that they will work out for the better.
All I have to do is to grit my teeth and go ahead with them.

For the immediate future, I will just tolerate the last few months of NS before i start my journey to 'greatness'

The first step for me would be education for myself. I feel that university is something that I need and want. Its a means and a tool towards my future wants and needs and Im fully focused to what i want to achieve when I go to university. I know what i want and i know how long its going to take me. All I need now is to go thru with what I have in plans to make them work.

After furthering my education. I will get a job. But I'll also get started on my ideas. Truth to be told, i've already set the wheels rolling on some of my ideas. i would like everything to be prim, proper and ready for me once I'm done with my education.

I for one truly believe that one must hit the ground running. No point dilly and dallying on what to do. One must already know clearly in his head before he even comes to that junction of doing what he set out to do.

I already know what Im going to do.

When I think of this things, call me a crazed man or an over optimistic chap or an overly ambitious chap,

but a ferrari at 30 doesnt seem so far away after all.

I know what I want.
I know i want it badly.
I know I will get it.
in time.


for now,
Do not doubt me. For even if I fail, it is nothing to you but perhaps some mockery and petty fun on your part.

But if i suceed, you shall know by that time of the things that i am capable of.

When I was 14ish coming 15.


We were living in a semi detached house not far from where I live now.
Infact, its only a 5 mins walk away.

When I was at that age, my parents always kept a tight leash on me.
And at that point of time, days passed like film on a film roll. Ableit one of inferior quality.

In those days,
My mum would pick me up from school or from my tutor's place every single day and we'd head for home straight.

Where I'll have my lunch and proceed to my room. Most afternoons were spent reading novels that I would pick up on forthnightly trips to the library. And usually, when I was done with the day's reading of novels, I would proceed to read the papers. I would almost read every article. I would especially savour the sports section where I would read about the latest soccer updates and stuff. When I felt like it, i would read the life section as well. But mostly, I would skip the life section.

And I did all these, while my mum presumed me to be pouring over my books.
I dont detest studying, however I didnt find school text books make to be particulary interesting reading materials.

Somehow, michael corleone in Mario Puzo's book alway seemed more interesting.
I wasnt allowed a playstation and the computer that my dad bought for me was purely for school work.
From time to time, I'd sneak a video game when I knew my parents would be out late or when i was alone at home.
But most times, I wouldnt really touch the computer because I'd always associated it to work.
TV time during school term was limited to an hour a day. To most, that wouldnt seem bad, but when you are 14 and you have cable vision, it does feel pretty bad.

On weekends, I wouldnt be allowed out without my parents consent. Thats to say that going out with friends would be unheard and unapproved off. But of course we'll head out during the weekends for meals and such. But that was just it.

One privillege i was allowed when i was 14 was building model kits. My parents felt that it was a suitable hobby for a 14 year old boy and Im inclined to agree. I liked building models when i was 14. During the holidays which coincided with my birthday, I'd get many kits for presents and I'll spend alot of time on them.

Tanks, aircraft carriers, plans, helicopters, huge robots, cars, you named em, I'll probably had them.

I'll seat myself on the deck chairs with the kits opened on the venrandah and work on them all day long. I'll study the instructions and diagrams in detail and build the models in my head before laying my hands on those plastic parts. I found that going thru the steps in my head before hand helped prevent mistakes and they made the finnished product look better.

I'd have my plier, file and arylic glue all layed out before me before i got started.
Every single part was cut with careful strokes and the kit was assembled with utmost care and concentration.

After seeing the kit take shape every single hour, I'll feel extremely satisfied when I completed them.
Then, it would be time to paint them.
I was never any good with painting stuff. But i always tried my best and its safe to say that I managed to get better with every other paint job.

And once the kit was assembled and painted.
I'd chuck them aside.
Completed and forgotten.

I never got to really appreciate the finnished product.
To me, it never made sense to take pride in those pieces of work.
It felt like a waste of time and besides, the next kit was in the box, dying to be built.

So thats how I kept myself happy when i was 14. There wasnt alot to be happy about at 14. But i made do. Books and kits. The arrangement worked out pretty well. till .......



then.


1 night. I cant remember the date or anything.

I did something that was to become a habit.

It afforded me an hour or 2 of personal time and allowed me to do whatever I wanted in that time.

I learned how to sneak out of the house.

I usually did this during the holidays where I had to much pent up energy and had no where to expend.

I would pretend to go to bed at around 11pm or 12am.
In those days, my room was on the ground floor while my parents and siblings were on the 2nd.
So what I'd do is to wait till i thought everyone was asleep.

And I'd change into some clothes. Preferably dark colours to be facilitate my movements.
I'd cover my pillows and bloster with my blanket to make it seem that i was in bed in case my mum checked on me in while i was out.
it didnt look convincing but i suppose there is nothing else one can do about it.
It probably wouldnt make much difference if my mum checked on me.
But somehow I always felt inclined to do it.

After I was changed and the bed was made.
Before I'd leave the room.
I'll turn off the lights and stay in the darkend room for a couple of minutes.
This was to acclimatise my eyes to the darkness. This way, I could see better in the dark.
Once i felt i had some degree of vision, I'd get out of my room.

Very gently would i turn the doorknob and without releasing it, would move out of my room.
Closed the door as gently as i can and walk with as little noise as possible to the front door.
We had this big ass lock that was very secure, it was always the noisiest thing to unlock the damn thing. And I was always very careful to make sure that i did my utmost best to lessen the noise.
But before I could even tackle the door, I had one major problem.
I had to disable this stupid alarm system that is wired to every single door and window in the house.
its very effective in keeping thieves out and likewise it worked pretty well to lock a 14 year old in doors. However, I have my ways.

there is this console right beside the front door that we'll use to arm and disarm the alarm. It was really fancy with a truck load of buttons and its big LCD screen. It was very state of the art.
But what wasnt state of the art was the plastic covering of the console.
It was just help in place by grooves like the ones you found in model kits. No fancy screws or catches of anything. To open one, one just needs to pull out the cover with alil force.
The console has a speaker. That would beep with every single button press on the console.
I couldnt have this beeping thing in the middle of the night, it would have been a dead give away. but I managed. All i needed to do was to disconnect the speaker from the console itself.
It seemed like rocket science, but it was really a doodle to do.

After sneaking out a couple of times, I swear i could do it with my eyes closed.
Yank plastic housing off console, disconnect speaker wire, put back plastic housing, open front door lock, close front door.

But no, im still not out of the house yet.

Fucking auto gates still lay infront of me.

I remembered thinking about getting pass the auto gates.
It'd definetly wake someone up if i opened those gates.
those loud mechanical sounds would defnitely give me away.

So what i thought to myself.
hell, I'd just climb the wall beside the gate.
The wall wasnt too high and there were some grilles in it.
a 6 year old kid could climb it.

Downside would be that it was out in the open view. My parents could see it thru their windows and my neighbours would be able to see me if they were up at that time of the neck doing stuff.

But it was the quietest way to do it.
and so I did.

Sneaking out wasnt hard after i got used to it.

Where do 14 year olds go when they sneak out at 2am?
why, they go to the nearest 7 11 of cos. (Which wasnt really near. it was about a 2km walk actually.)
To get a coke and some chips.
Or if i felt like it, to the 24hr coffeeshop to grab a bite. The prata shop was opened as well.
So yea, there was plenty to do and plenty to see.

and to a boy who wasnt allowed out even on weekends.
It all felt extremely grand to stroll about as one would like in the middle of the night.
It was really a finger up to authority.
But it was fun.

Returing back home was pretty much the same, just that the steps were reversed. And i was always careful to reconnect the speakers back and to re-arm the alarm when i got back.





Once i got hold of sneaking out, I did it pretty frequently.
It was my little get away.
and I always looked to better myself when it came to thinking of ways to sneak out of the house.
every time I sneaked out, I always look out for details of what needed to be done or what could have been done better.

In the later days, I've made lots of refinement in my night escape from my home.
For example, I would disarm the alarm early in the night with the excuse of fetching something i left outside and conveinetly forget to arm it. This made away with the alarm issue altogether. All i had to do was to arm it when i got back. and oh yes, I cut out the wires to the speakers.
My dad just thought that the speakers were damaged. the alarm still worked fine, just that it didnt beep anymore when buttons where pushed.
This made things immensly easier for me.

As for the front door, i decided that it wasnt such a good idea to leave via the front door because of the lock.
I decided to exit the house by the slidding doors at the dining room.
Sliding doors dont slam and are generally really quiet. all you got to do was to oil them time to time.
The locks on those sliding doors were filmsy as hell and thus, didnt make much noise when operated.

When i got my pet dog, I even managed to sneak out with it for night walks.
It was a great thing to do. Strolling with a huge german sherpard at 2am in the night.
it felt marvellous and wonderfully free.

i did this on and off till i was around 15 when I stopped.

I stopped because my parents pretty much loss control of me. I skipped school, skipped my tuition sessions and basically threw my schdule out of the window.
i went and came as i liked. they sort of realised that i couldnt be kept under their thumb all the time anymore. So they did what little they could do. They set me loose.
I got much more freedom and was able to do what i wanted.
Life improved by quite abit in that year when i turned 15.

Bit by bit, i felt that those nightly trips were really that fun anymore.
I had my freedom and found no further need going on my nightly sojourns.


On thoes numerous nights, never once was i caught.

Couple of years back, when i was in still in poly, i candidly recounted my night trips with my parents and they were stunned to hear about it.

"well son, I am surprised. But i wouldnt put it pass you. You really am mad."

and i guess she is right.
Im mad, in more counts than one.
But I like being how i am.
Mad.
Crazier than you think I am. Crazier than you think you are.

a day, unlike others but in a way, very like me.

This morning, i got up early than usual.
I had to be at CGH at 10am for physiotheraphy.

So when the alarm rang, i duly dragged my own sorry ass outta bed.

Sat in front of the lappy checking some msgs left on the forum while smoking my ritual morning cigarette.

The house was really quiet. Parents were out working and siblings were still sleeping. dead to the world.

I felt wasted. Slept really late at night, or rather really early this morning. Crashing myself on xbox live last night now doesnt seem as brilliant as it seemed last night.

I didnt particulary felt like doing anything. Was feeling pretty lifeless this morning.

Took a long bath and took a damn long time getting ready to head out.
dumping my gym clothes in my behemoth.
it didnt feel like the great day i thought i would be after all.
Usually, I like going to physio. Running my guts out on those machines lifts me up. In a weird sorta way.

But not today. not today. for some reasons unknown even to me.

Took out those gym clothes which were packed neatly in the bag and tossed them on the bed.

fuck physio.

since im up and ready, might as well go out for a breather.


Took the first bus that came along. 158 ( pretty broke. payday cant come sooner. too much money spent on video games, starbucks and cigarettes. must smoke less. must game less. must shop less. and besides, even if i took a cab, what would i tell the driver? he would have thought i was a crackpot if i said "unker, anywhere you wanna go.")
the bus stopped at payalebar post center.

I got off. fagged another stick. thinking of where to go.

Decided to have a proper breakfast. enough of that nicotine and caffine shit i was on most days.
but despite deciding to have a proper breakfast.
I ended up at mac-fucking-donalds.
Im crazy.

Sat at the smoking area with my breakfast on the table and some news papers. Logged on to the net using my hp like the fucking internet whore i am. and read more msgs that were left. Fuck, kids are so fucking spoilt and moronic nowadays that its baffling.

Nibbled at my breakfast. skimmed thru the papers and checked out more junk on the hp while being on msn.

what to do? what to do? Shopping was strictly outta the question. the moolah will have to be watched really carefully for the next few days anyway.

Shooting? The sky was overcast, not ideal lighting one would say. so fug that as well.

Some sec sch kids and ITE kids were making a rackett at mackers.
I could hardly resists the urge to give them the 'L' on the forehead.
In their faded uniforms hanging there looking tough at 10am in the fucking morning.
Dont they have things to do than to irritate the shit outta me?

There i was, trying to eat my breakfast which was getting cold. ( after i finnished nibbling on the buns, when i started eating my eggs , there were already cold and dry. mackers breakfast is weak.)
and there they were, looking tough and smoking their underaged ciggarettes.

urgh fuck em all.

After i finnished my breakfast, which i might add, was really unsatisfying and tasted like vomitt, i sat there sipping my drink.
smoking my cigarette.
reading the news.
whoring the internet.
thinking bout things.
listening to my music.
i multitask very well.
yea, like fuck i do.


called grandma. thought i could drop by.
she just returned from genting last night.
guess what, she is already out playing mahjong.
so going over was thrown outta the window.
But at least after the call, i know what i'll be doing on friday.


hanged around till 12pm. decided i couldnt bear it anymore.
i might as well head off.
reached the bus stop while listening to Lukas Rossi's crooning.
he aint bad. Esp with jasone newsted, tommy lee and gilby clark backing him.
Decided to do what i did, take the first bus that came along.

and that fucking 158 come back to haunt me.
the service runs in a loop, so i went for a bus ride. to tangjong rhu area and back.

I liek tanjong rhu. Its bloody quiet with expensive housing. My kinda place. Whats more, there definitly aint any snorting teenage kids smoking and looking tough over there.

finally, after an hour or so, i find myself at the bus stop at my house.

i went home.

feeling much better.

i can almost feel someone over my shoulder telling me.
'Dude, you dont have to do anything if you dont wanna.'

much comforted.





why am im blogging in such a uninteresting and boring way?
whinning like a bitch?

I guess, Holden Caufield has rubbed of me in no small amounts after the last reread this couple days.

Maybe this is what muizz and luwin were saying when they said that 'Catcher In The Rye' was one of those life changing book. Not that 5 people you meet in heaven bullshit. Which personally i think its trash.

But thats just me.
Unlike.
different from those phonies.