December Girl




















Unreal. Gimme some luvin sienna.

Ok.

First semester results are out.

the exams were crazy tough.

in the end?

Communication, Identity and Culture : High Distinction 7
Introduction to Journo : Distinction 6
Mass Com Theory : Credit 5
Editing: Pass 4


fuck right?
Get 7 also no use.
Current GPA 5.5/7
fuck right?

So i got distinction in both year 1 subs and 2 lousy grades for 2 advance year 2 subs.

Not too pleased with my results. but it could have been worst.

apparantly 5.5/7 is counted as pretty good for UQ. But I'm not too convinced. Better get better grades next semester.

Sympathy.


I want to talk about sympathy.

dictionary definition
sympathy |ˈsimpəθē| noun ( pl. -thies) 1 feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune : they had great sympathy for the flood victims. • ( one's sympathies) formal expression of such feelings; condolences : all Tony's friends joined in sending their sympathies to his widow Jean. 2 understanding between people; common feeling : the special sympathy between the two boys was obvious to all. • ( sympathies) support in the form of shared feelings or opinions : his sympathies lay with his constituents. • agreement with or approval of an opinion or aim; a favorable attitude : I have some sympathy for this view. • ( in sympathy) relating harmoniously to something else; in keeping : repairs had to be in sympathy with the original structure. • the state or fact of responding in a way similar or corresponding to an action elsewhere : the magnetic field oscillates in sympathy.




I'm feeling a deep sense of sympathy for a person.
That person doesn't know me well nor do I know that person well.

I just feel sad for that person.

The views that person hold, is so myopic, selfish, immature that its no longer funny to laugh at.

I feel sad. at 23. Yet not knowing the basic principals in reciprocity. Having no basic nonce of the subtleties involved in interaction with another human being.

So self centered, that its almost unreal.

I feel sympathy.
Really, I do.

CLICK HERE.

takes abit to load. But one should watch it. Some of my friends (guys) actually teared watching it.

They dont hate us.
We dont hate them.



We just cannot understand each other well enough.


couple of days more till I complete the first leg of 4 parts of university education.

I have 2 papers on monday left to tackle. After that, its back to familiar but neh neh neh Singapore. Humid air, menthol cigarettes and OGD.



I have often been asked if I get along well with the "ang mohs"

I suppose I get along relatively well with them.
I must admit, because of accent problems, communicating can be trying at times. But I've noticed that if you take a conscious effort to communicate as clearly as you can, you will be understood in the end.
Singaporeans, we walk too fast, eat too fast and we speak too quickly.

I found out that if I spoke slower, I would be understood better. Its not a case of them being difficult despite what a lot of other people think, its a case of them just not being used to our speech patterns.


Both parties should always take the effort to be sensitive. Granted, its not easy, but taking the effort will always reap its own rewards in due course.

Instead of focusing on the difficulties that we might have, for once, couldn't we try to see the similarities that we have?

Instead of lamenting the fact that they are lazy bums in the work group, why not reflect on the fact that back in singapore, it was the same?
Where the same fucktards fucked things up in the course of work with un-surprising regularity?

Laziness is not racial specific, it is personality and individuality specific.
A person's skin colour or locality of origin does not impact an individual's propensity towards his work ethics.

There are lazy fuckers everywhere. In every country, in every situation. How you deal with lazy fuckers should be uniform and not different or even discriminatory based on their skin colour or nationality.

I once said, that we are all racist. But we are tolerant racist.
I still agree. But perhaps the term "racist" is harsh. In my perspective, the term is not necessarily derogatory, to me, its just that slight uncertainty that accompanies interaction with another individual with another skin tone. The uncertainty, if I might add, is not attributed by skin colour differences but rather the differences in culture and respective acceptable social norms.

But I digress.

Instead of saying that they "hate" us or that we "hate" them.
Take a step back and reflect.

It is not hate we are talking about. Its "understanding" that really is the focus.
If you subsitute the word "hate" with "understanding" , the parenting sentence will still make sense.
However, the meaning of the sentence would have been altered slightly. It isnt important how drastic the change in meaning but be, but rather the subtle connotations that accompany that change in meaning that is important.

When you use the word "understand".
You admit to a few things.
1) People are universally different.
2) Effort is going to be needed to be understood and accepted.
3) The other party is as uncomfortable or even more uncomfortable that you are.
4) People are afraid of what they dont know or not familiar with.

There are others, but its up to you to think about them.
Taking the effort as well as projecting sincerity goes a long way.


When people ask me if I get frustrated when I cant get my point across, I will say that "Yes, I am".

But the ball doesn't drop there nor do I berate the circumstances of things at present.

Because the way I see it, if I took the effort to make myself understood back home in Singapore, with people who are culturally different or whom have difficulty conversing in English like the difficulty that I have conversing in other languages, why should I take less effort here?



Acknowledge the differences, but emphasis on the similarities.


But one thing I must admit.
No matter how hard I try.


I really really hate.

The food here.


It is fucking hogwash.

Chelsea : BIC Lighters hor.
Me: yea ok.


I always wondered about her stupid fascination with BIC lighters.





























Fair enough, they are pretty good lighters. Usually lights within the first try unlike the rubbish lighters we have back in singapore. Ugly and always not working when you need it to work.

BICs dont score big with me cause I use a zippo everyday.

But I do suppose they look pretty enough.
Expensive like shit. 3aud per lighter.

1st to do.

K3's Pre Arrival Purchase.
Ok. Any deal will be on the 14th of November. Understand? 14th November. That means I will pay you and collect my merchandise only on the 14th. Understand? Next Wednesday.

I am flexible with timing but I only deal at City Hall, Orchard, Raffles stations as well as NEL stations.



I currently WTB following items

1) 1 year live gold subscriptions card. If you got other durations, let me know.
2) Orange Box
3) COD4
4) Bioshock
5) Halo 3
5) MS VGA cable
6) MS Wireless dongle



All items should be in good condition with no funny stains or smell.
Please state your price here. I will confirm with you if I agree to it.
Although I have been away from the scene for a few months, don't try and fleece me with stupid prices. Dont insult me please.

If i ignore your offer, that means it isnt good at all. I am a reasonable person who accept reasonable prices.









2nd to do.
Sending resume to playworks tomorrow.




3rd to do.
own the exam tomorrow.

Rewind, 2 weeks ago.

"2 things we are gonna do. Firstly, sort out your modules for next semester.

Secondly, ensure that you dont fail anything this semester."


Fastforward, last week. In Prof's office.

"Ok, lets see how much trouble you are in.

*clicks on his laptop.

I am sitting there trying to maintain my straight face.

"lets have a look at your progress. Dont fret, most students get abit stuck in their first year. Its typical if you get like Cs or Bs. Dont worry, you'll do much better next semester. Besides, you are taking two year 2 subjects."

*clicks on more stuff on his computer.



"Hmm. Um, lets see, well...."


"urm.... "



"hmm...peculiar....."




"maintaining 1 HD, 2 As and 1 C? "




"Hmm...."


"Is that your student ID?"



I replied.

"Yes, I'm almost positive."




He thought I was failing everything.





I handed up my last essay for the semester on wednesday even tho it was due on thursday. I suppose I just wanted to get it over and done with.
I over wrote as usual. But I dont really care. heh.

I slept fitfully on monday, didnt sleep at all on tuesday night, headed to uni to hand up my essay early wednesday morning.

Obviously I felt like a zombie. Not that I wasnt tired, just that I couldnt sleep at all.


So I took breakfast at 8am at Maccas, hopped on the train to Uni.
Returned all my library books for my essay and handed in my essay.
Picked up my film project, (HD grade. But there was still some stinging criticisms on the feed back form.)


Headed to southbank.

Bought tickets to eastern promise.

Got an hour to spare.

Bought a cold cola, sat at the river bank.

It was a warm day, but there was a breeze, so it was very comfortable.

I fell asleep sitting on the bench beside the river bank.

Woke up after half an hour, cigarette in my fingers totally burnt out. A wonder I didn't get burned by it.

Walked to the cinema, caught the movie. Which was really good.
Headed back home.


Slept most of yesterday away.
Felt like I had been put thru a meat grinder and fed to sumo before being dumped unceremoniously by him.


Studied the most of today.
More studying for the rest of the 10 days or so.


So how do I feel? with the semester coming to an end?

I feel, unequivocally, like shite.



I cant decide what is worst.
Not sleeping, or sleeping fitfully with nightmares.



Am I anxious to get home?
Yea.


But I am more anxious for the semester and exams to end.
The pressure is really something not to be fucked around with.
Sometimes, it feels as tho my brains are gonna leak out from my ears =]


and that cant be good I suppose.

Hah.

Adrenalin.

I suppose thats what been keeping me going for the past weeks.

gonna fly off the handle if I don't relax soon.
Another 9 days till the exams end.

It feels like 9 years.

So I went to the freezer.

Ice Cream.

Coles House Brand.

oooo. Ice Cream.

lets have some.


first spoonful.....




second spoonful.....




my god. they call this crap ice cream?
even someone like me knows that this is utter crap ice cream.

my god. they sell this shit in supermarkets?!

I dont feel like doing any work today.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I am ahead of schedule in regards to my research paper.

The weather is quite warm today.

I just want to sit in the yard on the deck chairs, smoke and drink a cold cola.


I just got to stop sumo from licking my toes. Highly ticklish and annoying.

So much for lasting the month of October.





























my new icons are so wicked

adium on the left. thats my msn app.

The 3 icons on the right are my hard disks.
I got 3. I know.

cannot sleep.

cant sleep.

thinking of too many things.

cannot sleep.

I am tired.



took the white pills.

waiting.

16th October.


if they were to write a book about me, they will definitely leave out the 16th of October 2006.


and if they didnt leave it out against my best advice, it'll probably be chaptered


"The fool, his words and his worst."

Exitlude

Aggressively
we all defend
the role we play

Regrettably
time comes to send
you on your way

We've seen it all
bonfires of trust
flash floods of pain

It doesn't really matter
dont you worry it'll all work out
No it doesn't even matter
don't you worry what its all about

We hope you enjoy your stay
Its good to have you with us
even if its just for the day

For the month of October



















Sometimes I want to jump off the end of a pier.

Academic Update.

Left with 1 essay.
Mass Com Theory.
I'm gonna write about the film "Good Night and Good Luck"
its due nov 1st. So I got plenty of time to work on it.



its unorthodox, but its keeping in line with my philosophy of going against the norm for my school assignments.


Well, there was one time that philosophy didn't really come off.
Editing, i got 20/40.
fuck me.
under the comments, the prof wrote "Full marks for trying"
pompous Lancashire ass.



there goes my straight As.

However, that being said, the other subjects are going pretty well.

If I'm lucky, I may end up with a couple of HDs.
IF I am lucky.

1 essay, 3 exams.


Cant be that hard can it?


But its a little like the final stretch when you are expected to sprint to the finish line.

Its not easy considering the fact that you are REALLY tired by this point of the race.

and yet, you HAVE to sprint.


I feel little asthmatic now.

nabeh.

in view of all the chee bye-ness I have been feeling lately.

After I hand in my assignment tmr.

Tmr shall be fuck care relax day.

eat at proper restaurant and watch movie.

go shopping.

nabeh.


time to feel happy and dainty!

ok, that sounded damn gay.

I was on the train that day.
On my way back home from a particularly taxing day at uni.

I was looking at the photographs.

How happy we were.





I dont know if it was because I was so tired.
I dont know if it was because of the stress of the work.
I dont know if it was the cumulative effect of being sick of everything.


and then, I said to myself.

Never, ever, if we can help it, we should never ever do those things again.

its for our own good.

I almost flung my new iPod against the glass.

uh.

My name is Tyrone.

I am 3 Months Old.
I weigh 6 kilos

and

I rule a house containing 3 doofus adults, a stupid dog and a giant teddy.

Giant Teddy and Me. The picture is taken by the doofest looking adult with the big black camera. I'm a natural.

















CLICK for my video on youtube.


bye bye.

When you stub out a cigarette, the ashes always still glow.

You really got to be really single minded if you want to stub it out. Stub it all out.

I realised this while stubbing out a smoke at the bin just 10 minutes ago.


People just cant seem to stub things out from their lives completely.
Dont argue, it happens to me as much as it happens to you.

Yes, its annoying, but I suppose its just one of those signs that signify the ideology of "Life will fuck you over and some" .


So its mid term break. What do I find myself doing? Apart from work, I've not been too busy.
Bought some disposable Swedish furniture and assorted trinkets yesterday.
Against my better judgment, i bought a lime green chair.

Now I am wondering what the fuck am I suppose to do with a lime green chair.

The lesson to be learnt from this?
I don't know. I haven't learnt it yet.

So I'm sitting on my lime green chair, trudging through the internet. Browsing music on iTunes. Listening to the snippets available online.
MatchBox20's new album is due on the 29th this month.
Nice.


I can be terribly obsessive.
It makes me sad.

How does one find balance?
Its not easy.
But I try.


So an example of my lame attempts at finding balance.
Instead of worrying about my work and other issues.
I opt for the frivolous.

Get a new iPod? Get the white one or the black one?
hmm?
(moot. i've decided on the white one the moment I saw one. I'm just screwing around for screwing's sake.)

What shall I have for lunch today?
(moot. I got potatoe salad in the fridge and nothing else.)

What film should I watch first?
(moot. I only got Disturbia on dvd left.)


I try and busy myself with inane and ridiculous decisions.
It seems to help deviate from the more important and drastic decisions that are begging to be made.

I suppose you can say its easier to run, but the 'new' mindset that I have is that its not really running, its called "taking a break".

A breather.
A short period to revive to survive.
A little peace.



However, not a single problem has ever been solved by taking a break.



Sometimes I wonder.
Most times I worry.